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lost confidence ! Lock Rss

last year was a shocker for us financially ...I went back to work which turned out to be a god send cause I went to work with the greatest bunch of girls some of who have become really good freinds !! gets short and my marrage took a bit of a beating ...all is fine there now I am pleased to say (still have no money !! lol lol )

so 6 weeks ago hubby was offered a job away from Brisbane ....we decided to take the chance and move is a smaller town and the people here are just lovely ...very warm and welcoming and generous !! ...

but I have no confidence when I talk to people any more ...I have never lacked confidence EVER !! lol lol ....I can talk to anyone and everyone and can strike up friendships really easily ...mainly cause I have always felt on the same level as people ...

I am a people perosn and really love company ...I feel like I am coming across as needy and people are going to pick up on it ..they would be right ..I am needy !! ....I crave people to know my name and I crave adult company ...we have moved to a place where there is a high unemployment so the chances of me getting a job are slim to none (will keep trying regardless ) so cant make friends there !!

I just cant find the confidence to walk up to some one and say G'day !! ....where did this shy ,needy,reserved person come from ??? I dont like her sad

Could hubby ask one of his work mates and their family to come over for dinner one night? That way you don't have to do the inviting, he does, and you have that mutual ground of your DH's sharing a job. Then just see what happens. Or meet other parents from kiddies school, kindy etc. Also, don't be shattered if the first person you meet doesn't like you or the relationship just doesn't take off. This can be hard to accept, it's easy to take it personally especially when it has taken so much courage to strike up a conversation in the first place but you can't let that shake you or you will be very lonely. Oh and you probably don't come across as needy it's just that you are very aware of how needy you feel. As long as you aren't calling every day, demanding frequent visits or talking about how needy you are I think ppl will just realise that you are new and trying to make a new friend and then it's up to them to be receptive to that.

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I cannot imagine you ever being shy or reserved F,lol. I do know that this is a serious issue for you though, and how frustrating you find shyness in people, so must be really hard when you find yourself feeling shy. Don't be hard on yourself though.

I know exactly how tough it is to adjust to a new home AND have to make friends, especially as an adult. It has been tough and sometimes a bit lonely since we moved. The kids have had no dramas making heaps of friends. Hubby works, so he gets to meet lots of people and has made a few friends he can go have a beer with every now and then. Me...I am a SAHM, who has not much to talk about except my kids and my adult interaction usually involves making small talk with the women I see at pick up time at school,lol. I hope I don't sound needy when I talk to them!

It is hard to go from living somewhere where you had good friends you could hang out with, to knowing no-one and being the new kid. It takes time hun, I am still being introduced, and introducing myself to Mum's at school. They know my name now though, and I remember most of their names,lol.

I do know that I need to make more effort though, I need to stop being such a princess and worrying about what they will think of me.....and in the words of someone else (who I think is pretty amazing), "Cowboy up, cupcake".

I've been thinking about going to playgroup or the activities the local library holds to meet some different people (apart from the school crowd). DH wants to invite a mate he has made at work and his fiance over for a bbq.....sadly the blokes fiance only speaks Chinese...maybe I could teach her some English or something,lol.


not a nice situation.... this was me when we moved to a (very) small town with hubby's work.

i had so much trouble trying to fit in, i ended up with depression. if i had made more effort and not been such an introvert; things would have been different.

the only advice i can offer is dont give up and turn into a hermit! (like i did)

does your new town have sporting groups, or community groups you could try out?

good luck!

Hi Frankie

I think when we go through hard times we sometimes 'toughen' ourselves up - a mechanism to try not to let ourselves get hurt again sad

As others have said, you ARE one of the funniest, most vivacious people I've met ... Yet if you don't believe that then of course you will feel like your confidence is low.

I like the idea of inviting one of hubby's workmates and partners around for a BBQ. Oh and dare I suggest this lol ... Joining a gym is a great way to meet people. Some of my best friends are those I've met through gym - there is something about pain and sweat that gets a conversation going haha. Plus you find a lot of mums with kids down there during the morning - so people in a similar boat.

Just be easy on yourself! I havd no doubt you will find some awesome friends - you are too likable not too - just maybe look at opportunities to get yourself out and about smile

In the meantime there is always huggies tongue
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