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Advise need Lock Rss

Hi all I have not been on this site for ages but I am in need of some advise.

I found out yesterday from my mum that my 12 year old cousin (will be 13 in July) got caught having sex at school I am in shock I feel physically ill. When I was 12 holding hands was a big deal kissing was stretching it. Have things changed that much in the last 18 years and is this what is going on now???

To me this is not normal behaviour which makes me think what has happened previously to her to make her think that this behaviour OK.

She is my baby cousin, I was there when she was born, I am her godmother, I feel gutted for her and I can't stop thinking about why this has happened.

I almost wish my mother had kept her big mouth shut and had not told me, my aunty did not want anyone to know about it anyway.

wow. Kids seem to be growing up sooner and sooner don't they. When I was at school some people started having sex at 14. But 12 shocks me a little. 12 year olds seem like little kids still. Its scary because a 12 year old would have little to no understanding of safe sex.

I don't know if there is anything you can do unless she, or her mother comes to you for help and support though... So just being open and supportive of both mother and daughter... non judgemental, willing to listen etc so if either one does need someone to turn to you are there.

I'm guessing the school would have gotten CYFS (or equivalent) involved with something like this. So hopefully the family is getting professional help in how to deal with this.
Aw you poor thing sad
That would be really hard to except specially since you sound very close to her sad
So are you not meant to know?? Because that may make it hard in talking to her as a arguement may start over it as your mum was told not to say anything??
Could you talk to her and see if she will open up freely to you?
Behavior like this can sometimes be a cry out for help is she a troubled kid or hang out with a bad crowd??
She is awfully young sad I agree at that age holding hands made you nervous let alone goin the whole way was the last thing on our minds!
Maybe you could throw some suggestions at your mum so she can pass them on her to her mum??
Gosh that's young hun, I worry about drugs and things like thy and peer pressure when my little ones are teens sad
I wish your lil cousin all the best xx
Wow, she is young but one of my friends was about 14 almost 15 when she started, now she a mum of 6 and she 34. But she said she did this to get back at her parents for not letting her do what she wanted.

I don't think you aunty will be happy that your mum told you. Your Aunty is probably very upset and finding this hard to deal with.

Your goddaughter/counsin will need alot of support and she may need you or someone that she can talk too. She maybe hanging around the wrong people and needs to get away from them.

I am so sorry to hear this, I wish kids were allowed to be just kids for a while longer.

I found out my much younger step sister was having sex when she was 14 not that long ago. I was a horrifying thing to have to confront. I elected not to speak to our mum, but spoke to her about it first.

We ended up getting into some councelling, it turns out she has some serious self esteem issues, and feelings of abandonment. Sex was a way of feeling wanted and accepted, but she really didn't understand what she was doing or the long term ramifications.

She and I ended up speaking to our Mum together, along with a pastor from mums church, it was a emotional experience for us all, but she has now assured us that she has stopped and is finding other friends and ways of feeling accepted in a group of different friends. It's been hard on her, she needs love, support and a lot of help from her psychologist to get through this time.

Please try and forget about the act of sex, and think about the little girl who needs help to express herself in a different way.

Good Luck.

sad I feel terrible for you.

my understanding is its happening more and more though. So whereas it wasn't normal behavior, I think the line is blurring. (maybe not at school though)I am glad she has you to help look after her and guide her.

I know people say let kids be kids - but there is huge pressure on people now that get their kids being as independent as possible from as early as possible, then there is pressure for them to be exposed to the same stuff as their peers so they don't miss out, whether its fashion (of which there are now highly inappropriate clothes/shoes available for the wrong age group) parents dressing the kids so "they are like mum," tv shows, movies etc. Then add in the internet - facebook etc where do people think its going to head? Everything is geared towards sex, the clothes, the entertainment, even adds - you can't get them that far and then be surprised that they want to keep going with their independence and actually do the deed that their entire life has been preparing them for. Anytime people say its not appropriate, unless it is obviously innappropriate like swearing in the wiggles, or Bindi Irwin doing CSI Australia Zoo then parents get jumped on for "thinking too hard," "not letting kids be kids," blink, or even just being overprotective.
Look at things like Bratz dolls, if a kid is starting off with that - what chance have they got!
Thankyou for all your replies.

My aunty had her daughter quite late in life, my cousin also has a younger sister who is autistic and has required extra attention from my aunty and uncle.

I was 16 when she was born and looked after her a fair bit and developed a close bond with her. She has always seemed immature for her age but she had started high school last year so new friends and lots of changes for her.

No I am not meant to know neither is my mum, my other aunty was called to collect her from school as the school could not get in contact with her mum and dad, that aunty in turn told my mum and my mum told me.

On the up side the school has arranged family counselling for the family to attend to see and try to resolve any issues, my aunty has also taking her to the doctor and she is now on the pill. It is not so much the act of sex upsetting me so much, what makes me so upset is why is she doing this at such a young

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