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I know it's none of my business... Rss

So we have new neighbours, they moved in a few weeks ago. It's an older couple who own the place, and they have their son living with them as well as his kids, who sometimes live with their mum.

The way the son speaks to his kids is appalling. He swears at them all the time... the younger kid looks about my DS1's age (5) and the older one probably 7 or 8. This morning I was out the back hanging out some washing, and I heard the boy whinging about something he wanted done. The dad yelled at him "if you want it done get off your f***ing arse and do it yourself!" That was the second F-bomb I heard for today, earlier on I heard him (I was inside my house and heard him) telling one of them to shut the F*** up. I always hear the kids whinging and whining and carrying on, they are pretty feral, but it's no bloody wonder if that's how their dad relates to them! I've heard it before, it's not just today.

I find it incredibly hard to listen to. Swearing per se doesn't particularly offend me, it just sounds so wrong when it's directed at young children, particularly by their father sad
That is certainly no way to speak to children, even if they are being feral. I personally do not like swearing in anyway however I will tolerate it to some degree but swearing at people is a definite no no in my books.


I have yelled out to my neighbors "cut that language out!". It worked for me... But if he's really feral, he might retaliate. Maybe go over and have a chat with the older mum some time, or over the fence and say how it is upsetting your children to hear that kind of language in your own back yard. Maybe she could have a word to her son...
I've told people off for swearing in front of my daughter before. I say something along the lines of:

"How you speak to your family is none of my concern, but my child is my responsibility and it's my job to make sure she doesn't hear language like that. So if you don't mind I'd appreciate you not swearing in front of her."

It's actually worked every time. They look at me in absolute shock and usually apologise. grin




Would you let an adult speak to YOU that way? A child can't defend themselves. Verbal abuse is ABUSE. I'd be ringing DOCS.
My main concern is not the fact that my kids and I can hear that language (don't get me wrong, I don't appreciate it), and I think that by asking them to keep it down I'd be implying that I don't care about the fact that he's talking to them that way, so long as I can't hear it. That's not the case at all, the thing that really bothers me is that it's happening.

Approaching him about it, directly or indirectly (i.e. through his mother), is not an option for a number of reasons, but the main one is I have to think about my own family first. DH works away, he's gone 2 weeks out of 3, and if this guy decided to make life unpleasant for us or threaten us in any way I have to deal with it on my own, with 2 small kids to keep safe. Also I am physically small, 155cm tall and I weigh 50kg, I couldn't defend myself if he became aggressive in any way. I don't know him well at all, but I have to consider that possibility.

I have thought abot DOCS - do they act on claims of verbal abuse? Would you consider it serious enough to go that route? I have no experience with this, which is why I'm asking. It would be absolutely unacceptable in my family and I wouldn't tolerate another person speaking to me like that at all, but I know so little about what else goes on in their family. I'm asking in all seriousness whether the way he speaks to his kids is grounds for a DOCS call?
i agree

My main concern is not the fact that my kids and I can hear that language (don't get me wrong, I don't appreciate it), and I think that by asking them to keep it down I'd be implying that I don't care about the fact that he's talking to them that way, so long as I can't hear it. That's not the case at all, the thing that really bothers me is that it's happening.

Approaching him about it, directly or indirectly (i.e. through his mother), is not an option for a number of reasons, but the main one is I have to think about my own family first. DH works away, he's gone 2 weeks out of 3, and if this guy decided to make life unpleasant for us or threaten us in any way I have to deal with it on my own, with 2 small kids to keep safe. Also I am physically small, 155cm tall and I weigh 50kg, I couldn't defend myself if he became aggressive in any way. I don't know him well at all, but I have to consider that possibility.

I have thought abot DOCS - do they act on claims of verbal abuse? Would you consider it serious enough to go that route? I have no experience with this, which is why I'm asking. It would be absolutely unacceptable in my family and I wouldn't tolerate another person speaking to me like that at all, but I know so little about what else goes on in their family. I'm asking in all seriousness whether the way he speaks to his kids is grounds for a DOCS call?

It is. I went to a playgroup once and one of the mothers started verbally abusing her child (calling him a f#&$*#^ c^#% and a little a-hole blink) Obviously I never went back to that playgroup, but a woman from Playgroups SA happened to be there, observing, that day and I know she made a report to DOCS about it.
If they get enough reports they will eventually have to do something about it.


I have thought abot DOCS - do they act on claims of verbal abuse? Would you consider it serious enough to go that route? I have no experience with this, which is why I'm asking. It would be absolutely unacceptable in my family and I wouldn't tolerate another person speaking to me like that at all, but I know so little about what else goes on in their family. I'm asking in all seriousness whether the way he speaks to his kids is grounds for a DOCS call?


I dont actually know the answer to your question, but can you call them and ask them about it?


Mr J (April 2005) Miss Z (Feb 2007) and Miss O (Oct 2010)

My neighbour she swears like a salior man. Her kids even swear and i hate it.

There's no need to speak to any kid/person like that. And parents wonder why their kids swear.

When we first had little master we use to swear and i read somewhere a perfect way to stop is to put coins into their money boxs. So that what we did. BIL (when we got along with them) he swear something bad and i turned around and said that $5 that you owed your nephew. He said no and hubby said yeah you do, you know we don't like swearing around our son.

If i accidently swear infront of the boys (i just had my toe nail remove 2 weeks ago) both boys get $ 2 each.

You can't say anything to your next door neighbour because it will turn real ugly.




I'm probably going against the grain here BUT I wouldn't be ringing DOCS over it. I don't agree with swearing at or around children of any age. I think verbal abuse is BAD. But I don't think getting DOCS around to lecture them about their language is going to help anything. If anything it may make them hostile towards you and your family and more likely to swear louder when within earshot of you.

Not defending or agreeing with the mans action just saying I think involving DOCS may make matters worse. Usually I'm one for speaking up with this kind of thing but I also think you should pick your battles.




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)


I'm probably going against the grain here BUT I wouldn't be ringing DOCS over it. I don't agree with swearing at or around children of any age. I think verbal abuse is BAD. But I don't think getting DOCS around to lecture them about their language is going to help anything. If anything it may make them hostile towards you and your family and more likely to swear louder when within earshot of you.

Not defending or agreeing with the mans action just saying I think involving DOCS may make matters worse. Usually I'm one for speaking up with this kind of thing but I also think you should pick your battles.


See that's what I'm worried about - that DOCS will tell them off or whatever, it won't help the situation as far as those kids are concerned, they'll figure out it was me who called them (it wouldn't be difficult) and make life difficult for me and my boys.
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