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  5. is this rude to you? kids and electronic devices

is this rude to you? kids and electronic devices Lock Rss

You have assumed that the parents are lazy parents, and that the father has no social skills. Additionally, you have assumed their children have no social skills, and then said it was probably because of the electronic games they play. You also said that their violent behaviour is probably due to violence in the games they play. Hitting a child does not necessarily indicate that they are violent, there could be many explanations for that behaviour...

kerrie, VIC, DD 12/8/03, DD 12/10/05, DD 14/9/07, DD 4/1/10

kerriej wrote:
You have assumed that the parents are lazy parents, and that the father has no social skills. Additionally, you have assumed their children have no social skills, and then said it was probably because of the electronic games they play. You also said that their violent behaviour is probably due to violence in the games they play. Hitting a child does not necessarily indicate that they are violent, there could be many explanations for that behaviour...


the father admitted he gives it to them to keep them quite and then goes and gets drunk and goes around annoying people (yes, others have said that about him) so to me that says he is lacking social skills and same for his kids my son tried to engage in conversation only to be told to sssshhhh. these are not assumptions they are observations.

yes i did assume that there violence came from violent video games, it has to come from somewhere.

anyway this has gone of topic a bit and i didn't want to come across are judging others that let there kids play ds at appropriate time and places. i though it was rude because it interfered with my child and my family, i wouldn't of cared less if the boy had stayed at his table and played it all night. i actually feel really sorry for them cause there mum has confided in me that they don't do to well at school and fight with each other.

anyway thank you everyone for discussing this subject.

The day i broke up with normal was the first day of my magical life...

I will say that my girls hit, kick, and smack each other on occasion - but they don't play violent games, or watch violent tv shows. They learn things from other kids at kinder and school, plus act out in frustration when things don't go to plan. I don't think it's a problem when something thinks someone is annoying - mostly because different people think different things are annoying! I know when people engage in small-talk with me at this kind of function, I find it annoying - mostly I would rather they leave me alone. It's not that I have no social skills, I'm just very uncomfortable interacting with people I don't know. If the mother of those children feels so badly about their behaviour, why doesn't she do anything, rather than lay blame on the father? I would have thought that, as their mother, she would be well-placed to do something about it!

kerrie, VIC, DD 12/8/03, DD 12/10/05, DD 14/9/07, DD 4/1/10

I will also add that my husband is in his late 30's, and has a huge interest in games, tv shows, movies, and mostly talks about football when we talk to people. And yes, I find it annoying when he does, because I don't care about football - but he does care, and so do other people so it's not a problem! If this guy is going around annoying people, perhaps by talking to them, perhaps he is not the one with a social problem, but the people he is trying to talk to...

kerrie, VIC, DD 12/8/03, DD 12/10/05, DD 14/9/07, DD 4/1/10

SunMoonStars wrote:
kerriej wrote:You have assumed that the parents are lazy parents, and that the father has no social skills. Additionally, you have assumed their children have no social skills, and then said it was probably because of the electronic games they play. You also said that their violent behaviour is probably due to violence in the games they play. Hitting a child does not necessarily indicate that they are violent, there could be many explanations for that behaviour...the father admitted he gives it to them to keep them quite and then goes and gets drunk and goes around annoying people (yes, others have said that about him) so to me that says he is lacking social skills and same for his kids my son tried to engage in conversation only to be told to sssshhhh. these are not assumptions they are observations.yes i did assume that there violence came from violent video games, it has to come from somewhere.anyway this has gone of topic a bit and i didn't want to come across are judging others that let there kids play ds at appropriate time and places. i though it was rude because it interfered with my child and my family, i wouldn't of cared less if the boy had stayed at his table and played it all night. i actually feel really sorry for them cause there mum has confided in me that they don't do to well at school and fight with each other.anyway thank you everyone for discussing this subject.


Gee weez I really wouldn't be airing out other ppl's personal stuff With out their consent

i think some of you are reading this and taking it personally because you might see some of yourself in this person or family but really none of you were there, you don't know him or how he acts or what others think of him. so lets just say that my family and his are differnt and that's ok.

no one needs to take it as i'm personally attacking them because they like games, the ds or that there partners talk about these things or that their kids play it, i'm specifically talking about this person and this family.

The day i broke up with normal was the first day of my magical life...

Weddings are about socialisation. You can sit at home and play games all the time, I think when you're out an about that electronics should be put away. My parents would not have been happy if my siblings and I sat at a wedding playing a game boy the whole time.
I think it is rude to be at a function and play computer games. Phones, DS, etc should all be put away til after. Using them on the long drive would be good though!

Ideally, if no other kids there had the things to play with, what would they do? I can think of a million things that get them up and about, having fun!

EDIT: and btw, as a parent I wouldn't be handing over a DS to another kid. Not because of the rude/not rude thing, I just wouldn't want any harm to come to it.



kerriej wrote:
I think you are being a bit too over the top, and making some major assumptions about people. I have four girls, and the last time we went out for a meal was Christmas lunch, 2010. We went to a restaurant for lunch with my family, and my girls were very unsettled for the entire time, were running around making a lot of noise and it was very stressful. Additionally, my oldest daughter, who has autism, was throwing tantrums constantly because of another little girl who was there. She was being very bossy, and my daughter couldn't handle it. It was one of the most stressful experiences of my life - and it would have been made a whole lot more calm if we had of taken a ds, or an ipod. These electronic devices serve as something for my children to focus on, to tune out the overwhelming stimulation in the environment. I would never consider taking my children to a wedding, but if I did they would spend the entire time running around, screaming and carrying on, because the stimulation would be too great, and there would be far too many people talking to them in a way they think is inappropriate, prompting further tantrums. Personally, I love games, I always have. My kids play them whenever they like, but that is not all they do. They spend lots of time outside, play with dolls and cars, and all sorts of things. I am not a lazy parent. If I'm at a special occasion, such as a wedding reception, I would much rather avoid tantrums by providing an electronic device than have to remove my child/children from the event because of their screaming - which is something they have very little control over. I think so many people assume children have a greater ability to tolerate these things than they actually do. People seem to forget that just because their children can do something, doesn't mean other children can - there is such a wide variety in ability between children! And to be honest, I don't think it's a problem if the father only talks about games. He probably likes them, maybe he feels it is 'common ground', something he can talk about with someone else when he doesn't know them very well. Perhaps he is uncomfortable in social situations, but why is this a problem? Why does everyone have to like to talk to people? Aren't people allowed to be different? If you dislike them so much, why not just keep away? Less stress for you, and those people can go without judgment, which most people do like to avoid...


I was going to add this same perspective. I am not sure that it is appropriate or accurare to assume that anyone with an electronic device is lacking in social exposure or is rude and zoned out. I personally hated events like that as a child, I have sensory issues and simply like my space. I have always had plans for myself and my life that asults did not respect - I resented being force to go to things like weddings with the explanatin that it is for "socialising". Where is the use in socialising with kids you will likely never see again? Some kids just want deeper friendships and are not comfortable running around playing with strangers in a new place. My partner and I really keep to ourselves as we find that kind of empty chit chat shallow and meaningless. We don't feel the need to prove ourselves to other people and we honestly see most chit chat as people judging others and gossiping.

I appreciate that you feel you know that family - but I would say that there is only so much an outsider can know about other people's kids and family. All your assumptions about the dad being games obsessed - they are just that - assumptions. A lot of people need something specific to talk about due to not being good at chit chat, which has nothing to do with exposure.

Many kids are just not suited to that kind of enviornment. Think of all the famous people of the past, inventing things, writing new theories, penning brilliant literature - they probably were the kids who didn't like chit chat, and if you ever looked into the past of these people, you would find that they were often judged by others for being "strange" - I doubt that Einstein as a kid was walking up to strangers and talking about yoyos. And he was genetically predisposed in this sense. So if playing an electronic device was what he used at events like this - well, he probably used an equivalent like a book, pen and paper etc.

I personally dislike electronic devices fullstop.

However the point that they should have been socialising ie masquerading and engaging in shallow conversation with kids they have no emotional connection to- is to me faulty. I would have no issue with a book - but I would have had an issue with a book that was given without my permission seeing as I wouldnt know what was in it. So I see completely what you mean about the DS being given without checking with you. Although I have found that most people simply aren't considerate and just don't realise in that regard.

I agree with Kerrie that people seem to just shove kids into things all the time without checking whether they are coping, and without checking their coping mechanisms. I learned self hypnosis at a young age because my parents constantly forced me into stressful situations that were difficult for me. They now say I was fine - well, I learned to cope but I was never fine. I was miserable but knew I had no other choice. Self hypnosis is a pretty serious thing for a child to be doing. I wish they had given me a choice. When I watch my kids now it is easy for me to see when they are struggling - other parents though, they don't even think to check most of the time. Unless a kid is crying, people think they are okay. So electronic devices are in a way much better that a place full of strangers because you can check how your kids are going.
kerriej wrote:
I will also add that my husband is in his late 30's, and has a huge interest in games, tv shows, movies, and mostly talks about football when we talk to people. And yes, I find it annoying when he does, because I don't care about football - but he does care, and so do other people so it's not a problem! If this guy is going around annoying people, perhaps by talking to them, perhaps he is not the one with a social problem, but the people he is trying to talk to...


Agree with you! Why is being different considered a deficit all the time?

SunMoonStars wrote:
i think some of you are reading this and taking it personally because you might see some of yourself in this person or family but really none of you were there, you don't know him or how he acts or what others think of him. so lets just say that my family and his are differnt and that's ok.

no one needs to take it as i'm personally attacking them because they like games, the ds or that there partners talk about these things or that their kids play it, i'm specifically talking about this person and this family.


I don't think that what others think of him is an appropriate way to judge someone's worth as a person or parent.
SunMoonStars wrote:
i think some of you are reading this and taking it personally because you might see some of yourself in this person or family but really none of you were there, you don't know him or how he acts or what others think of him. so lets just say that my family and his are differnt and that's ok.no one needs to take it as i'm personally attacking them because they like games, the ds or that there partners talk about these things or that their kids play it, i'm specifically talking about this person and this family.


No not taking it personally at what erks me is the comment about the kids behavior and not doing well at school and given you also said the mother has confined in you about this
I don't look at others to see whom I am as a person / parent
We live in a world with many different type of ppl some you will get along some will get under your skin and some when you see you run as fast as you can in the other direction
But it makes for a interesting diverse life Well for me anyway smile
SunMoonStars wrote:
i think some of you are reading this and taking it personally because you might see some of yourself in this person or family but really none of you were there, you don't know him or how he acts or what others think of him. so lets just say that my family and his are differnt and that's ok.

no one needs to take it as i'm personally attacking them because they like games, the ds or that there partners talk about these things or that their kids play it, i'm specifically talking about this person and this family.


I havent taken it personall either, each to their own... i dont take my children to weddings.

you clearly have issues with these people - which is fine, we cant 'like' everyone, but to say because YOU dont have anything in common with the man & children & so find it difficult to hold a conversation with any of them, that they are boring, with nothing meaningful to say, lazy parents, ignorant people is a bit rough.
They are probably none of those, they just dont have anything in COMMON with YOU. Quite frankly, the kids probably pick up on the fact that you dont like them much & probably dont like you either - same with the man... family events can be a minefield to negotiate at times.

ETA: that i am sure that YOU are a really nice person & a great mum wink
Steph0413... Well said, my thoughts exactly!
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