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My Husband wants another child, but i don't!! Lock Rss

I need your help fellow mama's.
My hasband and i have a just turned 2 year old and my husband has been pestering me about a second for about a year now. I am still getting over the traumatic experience my first birth was( 2 weeks OD +42 hour labour resulting in forceps del and a second degree tear and blood transfusion) , i'm no where near ready for another! i don't even know if i want another but this constant nagging is driving me insane! i can barely keep up with one child and run my own business at the same time. how can i get it through to him to quit it!? last night he told me if i didnt want more kids that was "a deal breaker" for him. i dont even know what to make of that. please give me some advice!!!
Ok i totally understand where you coming from. My first son i was in labour for over 38 hours and 90 minutes of pushing then i end up having a c-section due to his head hitting my pelvis bone.

We had our second son 11 months ago and we ttc next month for baby no 3.

Hubby wanted another baby more than i did. I was very happy with 2 but we always said 2 to3 kids. He came to me about 3 months after we had little man and said he wanted to try for a girl. He said he doesn't feel complete. I said No but i think about it.

For me the worry is having another c-section and how we would cope. He told me that i cope so well with the 2 boys that having a 3rd would be a little harder but we be fine. Our oldest will be in kindy, so that helps and hubby said he can pick & drop off little master to kindy if i can't do it.
It helps that he such a hands on dad with the boys. He feeds then, takes them in the shower with him. If i need a break he takes the boys and plays with them.

So i said Yes and we ttc in less than a month now. I so happy we agreed.

With you, you do need to sit down and talk with your DH/partner and tell him what this was like for you.
You need to know just because you're first labour was painful that the second one may be alot better than you think it be.
You can sit down with the midwives tell them your wishes for this labour and go from there.

Just tell him what your fears are about another labour




I would be discussing this in detail considering he has said its a deal breaker
And openly and honestly saying your reason for why not

What I suggest is before discussing write down reasons for and for not having another that are related to you

And do you not want a baby right now or no baby at all
Their is no black and white answer
It's not a easy 1
I think that all you need to do is to let him in on what you're thinking.

Are you wanting another child ever? If you are, then tell him - because that will help him to have more patience.

Kids are a huge deal (obviously), and for him to say it's a deal breaker - it must be something that he's REALLY worried about. Prehaps he thinks you'll never want another one.

If you are feeling that you DONT want another one... think about why this is. Is it purely because of the traumatic labour you experienced? If it is because of that, maybe you should sit down and think about this... if you were guaranteed that you wouldn't go through that again, would you consider having another child? If that is the case, then maybe like others have said you can plan for an elective c section.

If you want another one but are simply not ready then there's nothing wrong with that. There are 5 years between our children because I was just not ready yet. I am SO GLAD we waited... I am extremely happy with my decision to put hubby off - I am in a really good place mentally because of this decision, and I know I would have been in a bad place had we had another one close to our first. My hubby now also says that he's glad we waited as he can see how happy I am, and how that in turn affects our whole family. He would have had one earlier if he'd had his way at the time, and he usually gets his way with things so I'm very glad I was straight with him about this.

Good luck with your choice, it's a difficult one.




Wow! Thanks for all the replies! The thought if the labour isn't the only thing putting me off. I just honestly feel (at the moment, and I accept this may change) content with one child and there are multiple other concerns; we have a very small 2 bedroom house and can't keep it clean with a toddler running around, let alone a new born! My husband does little to help around the house and I don't want to end up as a slave to 6 kids and a husband, I would go nuts. My business is at a turning point where I need to be heavily involved and I like doing it, am I selfish to put what I want first?
I have told him how I feel countless times but he says he wants a date of when I'm going to be ready, if I knew I would tell him!! :S it's not like my clock is ticking anyway, I've just turned 23 and to most people I'm still fairly young :s my mom didn't have me till she was 30..
I'm sure one day I would want another child, maybe when my son starts school but until then I just want to watch him grow and be there for him and not have to worry about a new born
Wow ok rant done! Thanks for all your advice smile keep it coming smile
In that case I would just make it really clear to him that YES you do want another child one day, but you're not ready yet and don't know when you will be. He needs to understand that you can't MAKE yourself ready for something as huge as having a child. You're doing the right thing by sticking to how you feel.

And Btw... if he chose to leave because of this 'deal breaker' then you have still made the right choice. Relationships include compromise and respect/support for how you feel. If he can't do this then he is pretty shallow.




Tell him that your willing to talk more about having another in 2 to 5 years. Also tell him that you want a bigger place & enough money in the bank that will make it easier for you all to live.

You are doing what's right for you. To bring another baby into the mix when you're not ready isn't a good idea.
You both need to agree on everything that worrys you & when the right time for both of you to have another baby.




chalys 'n' J wrote:
In that case I would just make it really clear to him that YES you do want another child one day, but you're not ready yet and don't know when you will be. He needs to understand that you can't MAKE yourself ready for something as huge as having a child. You're doing the right thing by sticking to how you feel.And Btw... if he chose to leave because of this 'deal breaker' then you have still made the right choice. Relationships include compromise and respect/support for how you feel. If he can't do this then he is pretty shallow.


I agree it takes 2 to tango
And givin he doesn't help out much it would fall onto you which is not fair givin he is pushing for the Secound

If only men could get pregnant and give birth then take care of a newborn/ toddler house work

Maybe he is saying its a deal breaker as peer pressure kinda thing thinking that if he puts that out their it will make say ok ok so he stays

And you are in my way of thinking are not being selfish at all

I would suggest to him that perhaps if he showed that he could do more around the house to support you that you might be interested in adding a second to the mix.

One of my biggest fearsfor me for having number two is that I would end you with two child and a man to look after!!! So I had words and he got better at doing more. In fact he even did a stay at home gig for 7 months when l went back to work when our youngest was 4 months old. While he was at home he did most of the homework, cooking, washing etc and child care. It was the best thing ever for his confidence in regards to cooking and knowing he could do those things.
You need to ask yourself why you don't want a second...
- is it the traumatic birth of baby #1 and are the 'too busy', 'work' and anger towards your husband your story justifying you don't want to go through that again.
- or is it that you don't want a second baby full stop, one child is enough?. Would this be the case if you had an easy quick pain-free birth for baby #1? If yes, the difficult labour you had should not come into your arguement at all.

Yes, you had a traumatic experience for baby #1, however not all pregnancies and labours are the same. I recommend Hypnobirthing, it's not hypnosis as such, more of a relaxation and meditation labour which gives you tools for a calm natural birth. It focuses on positive thinking and frame of mind, and fear release and works wonders especially where there has been a difficult birth or fearful birth-story in the past. There are many great positive stories shares by hypnobirthing mum's on the HypnoBirthing Australia website under testimonials, including a natural birth after ceasaeian. Give it a go, pregnancy and even labour truely are a positive and miraculous thing....it's the birth of a new life
thanks for nice commenting...

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Hi dear. I hope things are good at your side. Well, all you can do is have patience. Don't take any decision in a hurry. Tell him you want some gap right now. My second baby was born with labor of over 35 hours. I kept on pushing for an hour but ended up with a cesarean. All my pain was gone to see my angel in front of my eyes. I think, children are a blessing of God. You must try an understand your husband. Give it a try. Tell him what you actually want and then decide about it. Wish you luck!
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