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What is the right thing to say Rss

So last night my ex came over and spoke to DS about us being seperated. (after me asking him a couple of times) The conversation went like this ex: what would you like to ask me DS: why don't you live here any more ex: just because DS: but won't don't you ex: It was just something that we needed to do DS: but why did you ex: mummy and daddy were just fighting all the time. I'll be getting my own house soon and you'll be able to visit me. DS: why don't you live here and mummy go, I want to live with you. I didn't hear the end of the conversation. Hearing that was so heartbreaking. I asked my ex later what else they talked about and he just said about them doing things together. After that conversation it feels like I just should of handled it myself. DS has been asking a few questions and I haven't really known what to say. What is the right thing to say to a four year old? My ex and I didn't really fight much at all. We did have a fight in front of them a couple of weeks before we seperated but it wasn't a huge screaming match.



Oooh geez. That must have been hard for you to hear.

I had a little talk with my younger brother when my Dad and his mum separated. He was four at the time.
He said he was sad that Mum and Dad didn't love each other any more. I reminded him that even though they don't love each other any more they both still love him very much. He told me that mum cries sometimes and I asked him if he cried and told him that it's ok to cry if he feels sad.

Perhaps you need to talk to your DS about missing his Dad and remind him that he will still get to see him and spend time with him. And emphasize the fact that he is still his Dad and still loves him very much even though he doesn't live with you any more.

That's about all I have to offer except for a *BIG HUG* and to reming you that you are a good Mum smile




"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do."

Zinkles wrote:
Oooh geez. That must have been hard for you to hear.

I had a little talk with my younger brother when my Dad and his mum separated. He was four at the time.
He said he was sad that Mum and Dad didn't love each other any more. I reminded him that even though they don't love each other any more they both still love him very much. He told me that mum cries sometimes and I asked him if he cried and told him that it's ok to cry if he feels sad.

Perhaps you need to talk to your DS about missing his Dad and remind him that he will still get to see him and spend time with him. And emphasize the fact that he is still his Dad and still loves him very much even though he doesn't live with you any more.

That's about all I have to offer except for a *BIG HUG* and to reming you that you are a good Mum smile


Thankyou smile It was very hard. Thats what we've both been saying to him.



I just told my two older ones, 5 & 3, you know how mummy and daddy have been upset & unhappy lately, well we are going to get another house for dad to go to so we can have two happy houses instead of one unhappy house. I said it was adult stuff between mum and dad and had nothing to do with kids and we loved them soooooo much. They seemed happy with this.
It's 7 months on and they sometimes ask again, not much but I say it's not them, just adult stuff. I have been tempted to tell them "your fathers a liar and cheat", but never would. It's tempting to say because your dad wanted too i'm sure, but take the higher road and be the bigger person and they will appreciate ot later down the road for sure. So sorry you're in this shit situation.
Wow he didn't really help at all did he?? Sorry you heard your son say that but he probably would have said the same thing to you if you were the one that left - he prob just wants you both there sad

I love what the girls above said- just telling them they are loved no matter what smile

Hope you are ok x







*chonnie* wrote:
So last night my ex came over and spoke to DS about us being seperated. (after me asking him a couple of times) The conversation went like this ex: what would you like to ask me DS: why don't you live here any more ex: just because DS: but won't don't you ex: It was just something that we needed to do DS: but why did you ex: mummy and daddy were just fighting all the time. I'll be getting my own house soon and you'll be able to visit me. DS: why don't you live here and mummy go, I want to live with you. I didn't hear the end of the conversation. Hearing that was so heartbreaking. I asked my ex later what else they talked about and he just said about them doing things together. After that conversation it feels like I just should of handled it myself. DS has been asking a few questions and I haven't really known what to say. What is the right thing to say to a four year old? My ex and I didn't really fight much at all. We did have a fight in front of them a couple of weeks before we seperated but it wasn't a huge screaming match.


It is just so hard to know what to say. I have no idea if what i have said to my children is the right thing or not, but I had to tell them something because they asked and their father won't tell them anything.

I am so sorry you are going through this and I can not imagine how hard that must have been for you to hear.

i do hope things get better
Bit different for me because we were basically separated but living together while trying to get ex a rental.. So we'd just start preparing them a bit, saying that there were going to be some changes but we were all going to be happier..
So I can't be of much help there...
I just try to keep it simple and say that daddy and I don't love each other any more, but we're friends and we're happier living apart..

Doesn't make it easy for me when Dd asks why her dads whore is sleeping in his bed... angry
lol.
Yup, ex sure didn't waste a lot of time before becoming 'happy' with his life again..

Having got that little dig off my chest, the good thing for me is that ex and I are still friends. It was definitely the best thing for us both and some say I'm too easy going for my own good, hence I put up with the fact that he disrespects me do much that he can move on so quickly.. Sorry to go on - I've posted my situation here in the past - have a squiz if u want wink
I try not to react negatively when dd talks about the whore - I try to be mature about it and not be childish because the kids won't understand it. That's my issue and opinions to sort out myself and not something the kids need to be subjected too.

All the best... It does get easier for everyone pretty quickly.. wink

Just wanted to say that my kids have adapted remarkably well.. There've been no massive repercussions - they were a bit clingy to begin with, but they're doing really well and don't often ask those questions... They're ok with how it's all unfolding.

Just keep it simple and positive


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