Do you think this is rude...?

2littleBs wrote:
Sorry if this is long winded but its a bit of a vent aswell..

We went to a good friends wedding back in Feb. It was an Island wedding, off the mainland, so it was a days travelling to get to the closest town, a nights accomodation there, then a ferry trip and nights accomodation for the wedding and another days travel home. The whole weekend cost us over $1000 plus a day off work for DH (he is self employed so no holiday pay and our business is just breaking even at the moment).
Anyway the invite clearly stated that because everyone was travelling so far they didnt expect gifts, however if we wanted to contribute we could via a honeymoon registry website.

I had a look at the website, the cheapest gift was $100 and it was for 'cocktails by the pool', there were other things like meals out and activities like surf lessons (they were going to Hawaii. I dont know I felt funny about giving them 'a round of cocktails' or something like that and was going to give them some cash but then DH suggested we didnt have to get them anything and the more I thought about it it was a lot of money to go in the first place, so I decided we wouldnt. I had another friend going who had decided the same so I felt comfortable with my decision, and even more so at the wedding when another couple there said they had decided not to give a gift either.

Anyway, I was talking to my friend the other day (the one who decided not to give a gift aswell) and she said 'I loved that pic that they used on their thank you cards', I was like huh we never got a thank you? turns out she got it a couple of months ago. So when I was talking to my sister next I was telling her about it (she is also friend with the bride through a mutual friend) and she already knew that we werent getting a thank you... she didnt want to say anything to me because she doesnt like to stir and she knew I would be upset but she had overheard the bride telling someone that she couldnt believe we didnt give them a gift because apparently we have quote "more money than anyone she knows", which is not at all true its more like more debt!!! (she calls us the Trumps because we have several investment properties but doesnt at all understand how it all works)
I fell really hurt about all this and find it very rude, going to her wedding was really stressful in the first place because DD2 was only 5 months and still BF but it had been requested she didnt go but the same time I she told me it wouldnt be right if I didnt go to her wedding because Im one of her best friends.. not to mention the cost of it all. Am I over reacting or do you think its rude aswell?

Not over reacting at all imo!! I'd be hurt too sad Oh and for the record, I wouldn't of contributed either after having to pay all of that to be there and i'm shocked they asked at all really!

Ur not over reacting!! I think that's very rude! After u made all the effort to go along - expenses, baby and all - she/they shouldn't be so petty! N of they actually gave thank you's to other ppl who didn't gift but expected u to, then that's just even more rude and obnoxious... She needs to get off her high horse.... :/
I'd be very annoyed n upset if any of that happened to me!

Wow...that's so disappointing for a friend to act like that sad doesn't matter if you're a millionaire, she could still thank you for going to the wedding! And why did the cheapest gift have to be $100?! I find that in itself rude...why not any contribution so even $10 towards cocktails?

Id be hurt and I'd be telling her why sad

Rude as! And the fact that she is talking behind your back!!! Nice friend she is Pffft You have every right to be upset and hurt.

With regards to your rental properties... you are right, sometimes people don't understand that you have to borrow the money to buy the property and then it takes years before you see a positive cash flow. So I understand where you are coming from there *hugs*

That is so rude of her. You paid alot of money to go & weddings to me aren't about what gifts that you receive it's about the people who you love being there for you.

I know nothing about owning & renting homes but i do know about running your own business and it does take time for you to break even & if hubby not working no money coming in.

She not a true friend to you & if this is upsetting you, you have 2 options go to her & ask her to tell you the truth or you let this friend go.

I would ask her what her problem is & tell her that a true friend doesn't talk about someone behind their back they talk to you face to face.

Sending you a hug & sorry that this person has upset you.

We had friends that invited us to their engagement party, we had just moved 4 hours away and were going to try our best to get there, in the end we decided we would rather make the big day and save a bit of money before then. We gave them plenty of notice and apologies before the party. About 6 months later we heard the wedding has just occurred. Apparently they decided if u didn't come to the engagement, you didn't get invited to the wedding. It was second hand info and might not be true but was a bit slighted just the same!

SHE is the rude one and you are not over reacting

Very rude. I wouldn't expect anything if people had forked out over $1000 to get there. In fact I wouldn't have a wedding that costs people that much to get there.... the fact that you were willing to spend that to get there is really showing a great amount of kindness to them!

If I were you I'd probably just cut ties without saying anything. Who can be bothered with the drama of someone like that.

Sounds like a friend I used to have. Gave her a million chances but as soon as I didn't do something exactly as she expected I should she'd get all sulky. I finally broke ties with her after one of her hissy fits and people who witnessed it at the time said I did the right thing but that didn't help make me feel less guilty and wonder whether I should have tried harder to be the bigger person. Then one day I was reading the paper and found a story about "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". Since reading the description about it, I am 100% certain that is what my friend had (especially because she also burnt her bridges with so many other people due to her behaviour as well) and I realise I am much better off for not having her in my life! wink

Sounds like she put "no gifts required" on the invite only to appear polite but went with a registry idea so she could keep tabs on who gave what and how much - I'm sure if she had've had a wishing well and put "minimum $100 contributions" sign on top people would've told her to get stuffed or at least grumbled about it and either given less or not given at all, with the option of being anonymous she wouldn't have been able to tell.

You do usually know when a friendship is more poisonous to you than fulfilling and from what you've said you're probably ready to move on and leave her to grow up a bit.

Seems that your "friend" doesn't understand the point of inviting people to their wedding. It's to share your special day with the most important people in your lives, not to recieve gifts. She should absolutely be thanking you for attending the wedding. Forget about her, some people aren't worth the energy.