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an oldie under an alais Lock Rss

i dont want to say this undermy regular name, buti am a long time member needing advice?

About 5 months ago, i got a huge phone bill in andfound out that my DH had been visiting adult dating sites and porn sites and charging all costs to the phone account. notthe brightest spark seeing as the phone bill is in my name so he was caughtout pretty quick....he was also acting very weird at the time.

I kicked him out and he came back about a week later after saying he thought i was unhappy with him and he was just doing it to take his mind off things. i toldhim that i wont put up with it (dating sites) considering we have been topgether 12 years and married 6 with 3 kids. The main reason I just took him back so easily was because his mother was in the final stages on terminal cancer and i didnt want to be the b * tch who left him when his mum was on her last breathe. SHe died 2 weeks later.


Fast forward to this week, he has been acting strange again, and I have just found on the computer (wasn;t snooping, clicked open new tab and the visited sites came up) and what do i find out?? he's been on a website that finds escorts in your area, and other adult services.

he doenst know i know yet as he has taken my car to take a friend home, but i am so angry!! and hurt!!

worst thing is, i have 0 friends left as he pretty much made me stop all contact with them.
Hugs mate, that is awful!! What an idiot he is after you gave him a second chance sad

What are you thinking?







In your shoes I'd want to know exactly whether he had been meeting people from dating sites or visiting escorts.

I would be fine with porn, not a problem for me.. But you do need to know if he has taken it further than just looking. If you have a problem with him looking, you might need to look into why that is and explain how it makes you feel. I don't particularly understand why people have problems with looking so I'm probably not much help there, but I will say that when people feel threatened by their partners as in cant do something in case partner flips out and kicks me out, then they'll hide it. If you knew what he was up to and it was just looking, would it be ok for him to look if you knew he was doing it?

Just a thought. I'm probably not the best one to give advice on the subject if you really dislike him looking, but if it does go further than looking then yes, I would say goodbye to him. Especially seeing as its a repeat offense. If he doesn't feel sorry enough for doing it the first time, and does it a second time, then I'm afraid the lesson will never be learnt and he will continue doing it.

Another question to ask him is does he have a compulsive problem. Some people are addicted to this kind of thing and actually need help with it.

Good luck !




Try your friends, they might surprise you. Time is a funny thing, reaching out is the first and hardest step.


They say true friends can go a long time without contact but still be close, give them a try, you may be surprised.

As for hubby, looking at porn is an innocent act really (unless its sick porn like violent or kiddy or anything like that) but dating sites and escorts are not ok. You need to sit him down for a long chat.

Aka G&L smile

TilG wrote:
Try your friends, they might surprise you. Time is a funny thing, reaching out is the first and hardest step.


i agree with this. You have nothing to lose- if he made you stop seeing them anyway nothing will change if they dont want to get back intouch as they arent in your life anyway, but I dont beliee that will be the outcome. visiting porn sites and telephone services is one thing but looking at escort services in your area sounds as though he is thinking of taking things further and acting on this 'interest'. Im so sorry that you are going through this, its a very difficult, uncomfortable and mostly upsetting situation. What do YOU want to do from here? Bugger him, think of your kids and yourself.
tickled*pink wrote:
sad

What does your instincts tell you to do? What do you want to do?

How long ago was it you lost contact with your friends? Is there one person you could turn to? If he kicks up a stink about contacting them tell him to shove it regardless of whether you stay with him or not.



My first instincts us to protect my heart which is literally shattering and just pretend I didn't see it but this time my head is winning over my heart.

When he gets home I am just gonna confront him as calm as I can and tell him I need space and time to think. I am telling him this cos I don't want to say things I might regret and I want him to know that whatever I decide (which at this point is see ya!!) I don't want him thinking I'm only saying it out of anger
chalys 'n' J wrote:
In your shoes I'd want to know exactly whether he had been meeting people from dating sites or visiting escorts.

I would be fine with porn, not a problem for me.. But you do need to know if he has taken it further than just looking. If you have a problem with him looking, you might need to look into why that is and explain how it makes you feel. I don't particularly understand why people have problems with looking so I'm probably not much help there, but I will say that when people feel threatened by their partners as in cant do something in case partner flips out and kicks me out, then they'll hide it. If you knew what he was up to and it was just looking, would it be ok for him to look if you knew he was doing it?

Just a thought. I'm probably not the best one to give advice on the subject if you really dislike him looking, but if it does go further than looking then yes, I would say goodbye to him. Especially seeing as its a repeat offense. If he doesn't feel sorry enough for doing it the first time, and does it a second time, then I'm afraid the lesson will never be learnt and he will continue doing it.

Another question to ask him is does he have a compulsive problem. Some people are addicted to this kind of thing and actually need help with it.

Good luck !


I'm ok with porn as long as it isn't all secretive, he knows I don't care as long as his honest so I know to wipe the history properly so older kids don't accidentally stumble upon it)
Just wanted you to be aware that a lot of porn sites automatically take you to websites for meeting girls in your area after you have viewed a video. If you look at the history does it show that he has gone into specific girl's profiles or just the pages of their photos? Something to keep in mind if he says this is what happened. I hope it turns out ok for you.
Hi there, I have been thinking about you today. How did you go last night? Did you end up sitting down with your hubby to talk about it all? Has anything been resolved? I really hope you are at some sort of peace with the situation.. you have been in my thoughts all day x
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