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  5. 3 kids and pregnant with the 4th, i'm scared, confused and unsure :(

3 kids and pregnant with the 4th, i'm scared, confused and unsure :( Lock Rss

Hi all, i am a 28 year old mum with three kids. i have twins that are turning 8 on chrismas eve and a 10 month old at the moment. i have just found out that i am pregnant with my 4th bub only 6-7 weeks on.

i'm looking for other familys that have 3 or more kids to talk to for advice.

i dont know where to start with my questions or how to express how i am feeling at the moment. when i found out i was pregnant i wasnt happy and joyish but i wasnt dissapointed either, i was kinda just like.. ok i'm pregnant, that explains why i havent got my period yet...
when i first told my hubby that yes i was pregnant he said that we couldnt keep the baby and to go talk to my doctor. so i did and she referred me to the Marie Stopes clinics for further information and advice. once i told hubby that i had to get a blood test to confirm how far along i was and that i need to see Dr.Marie he then said that we should have a discussion about keeping the baby.... so we sat down later that afternoon and kinda talked about it.

we both dont agree with abortions which is where the majority of my delima comes into play.
i never would want to abort a pregnancy but our situation is a little uncertain at the moment. Hubby is self employeed and work is not going so well so i wouldnt want to bring another life into the world where i couldnt look after them properly.
i also have anxiety about having a bubba when my little boy will be a 20 month old toddler.

im torn at the moment as i dont know whether to go through with the pregnancy or not.
i would love a 4th child but dont want to take away anything away from the kids now.
hubby also wants a vasectomy and has said that hes happy with the three kids that we have now. he would love a 4th kid now if we go through with the preg but if we terminate he said we wouldnt be having any more later.
i guess i'm worried that i will regret not having the baby now if we terminate.

i dont know what i am asking of you all... i guess i just need unbiased advice on what other large families have gone through. have you been thru the same anxiety as me.
what would you suggest.

i just dont know what to do at the moment.
Well, I don't have a big family - just the one child but for me personally if I was in your shoes I would have the 4th baby and get hubby to have a vasectomy to avoid any future accidents. He should have done it already if he didn't want any more kids!

I suspect you would regret terminating the baby esp if as you said you both don't agree with abortions.

There are loads of people on here with small age gaps between their kids (even smaller than 20 months) and they think it's great! And wouldn't it be lovely for your little 10 month old to have a buddy growing up esp since your other kids are so much older and being twins they have each other?

I say go for it and don't look back! smile

Hey sweetie Your pregnancy is still so New and as you weren't planning it I'm sure it's come as a surprise. I feel if you did terminate that you would regret it later on.
I have 4 children my eldest dd is 8, I have twin dd's who are 7 and ds will be 2 in January. Sure life is busy but really ds has been such an easy bub and as my dd's are a lot older and a lot more self sufficient we get on just fine. As you'll know by know bubs don't need a lot of stuff etc. And there are heaps of ways to budget. Also you said your worried about having a 20 month old when bub would be born, by 20 months your ds will be a lot more aware and I'm sure would love a sibling close in age to play with.

Good luck with your decision smile

Mummy of 5 Gorgeous Babes smile
My newest Gorgeous Baby Boy arrived 1st January 2014 smile xxx

Hi, hugs smile

i have 4 kids and am pregnant with number 5.

Hubby and i had decided 4 was plenty enough. I started selling off my baby stuff. Anyway God thought differently for my life and here i am going to have number 5. We too were shocked and not sure about what the future would hold. Ours are aged 14, 11, 5 (on xmas eve smile ) and 2. My last 2 were prems, with number 3 being 10 weeks early, my placenta detached and with number 4 she was 5 weeks early and my placenta had started to lift. so there were medical reasons also for why we were so worried about being preg again. After a few weeks though it had all sunk in and given us time to really think about it. I was 7 weeks when we found out. I am now 23 weeks this week and we are really looking forward to it. You have only just found out, can you give yourself some time to let it sink in properly and think about it more

I too am against abortion and would never consider it myself. If you are against it too, i agree with the other ladies you will probably regret it, but that is something only you can decide for yourself. Have you thought about adoption? That too is something i dont think i would be able to do, not after carrying bub for 9 months.

Having 4 kids can be a challenge at times but i would never change it. the noise can get louder, the mess can get bigger, lol but hey thats part of being a parent isnt it, lol. all my kids have chores, the older ones wash the dishes and put them away nightly, take the garbage out, feed and water the animals and do a load of washing on the weekend. The younger two are expected to help clean their room and they set the table together. Some chores they are expected to do because they are a part of a big family, others they get pocket money for.

I found that having 4 kids i need to do atleast 1 load of washing a day to keep up. It is a little more expensive to get take out, which we dont do much anyway. We have recently got some camping gear so we can go away cheaper by camping out. Having 4 kids also meant we needed to get a people mover for a car.

I personally love the big family. There is alot more love around (although the kids do have their fights lol) and lots of hugs and kisses. I am looking forward to the future when we have big family gatherings smile i have learnt to be more organised, more patient and how to budget and make things stretch. For school lunches i dont buy snack abouts, muesli bars, lcms, chips, lollies or any prepackaged food. On the weekend we have a baking day and bake biscuits, cupcakes, muffins, scones or whatever they fancy for school for the week. Its better for their health and our budget. For meals like spag bog, rissoles etc i bulk it up with tin tomatoes, grated carrot etc to make it stretch, that way i dont have to use quite so much meat. Hubbys work depends on the weather, and there have been times when we didnt know how we would get through but you find a way to manage. Try to pay bills fortnightly or monthly by direct debit or bpay.

It sounds like your hubby is open to the idea of having this baby which is an upside, i know its not what you both planned but this bub did not ask for this to happen, and dont worry, by having another bub your other kids are not having anything taken away from them, they will be getting another sibling to love.
Hope it all goes well for you with whatever you choose
Thank you so much to everyone who has responded so far. It means a lot to me to have people to talk to. My mum passed 10 years ago and I don't have much family around to talk things over with, they are in another state.

All your words have been very supportive. And your right I would regret terminating this
I'll get my blood test results this week and go from there.
Will let you know how things go.
Thanks again everyone
I am sorry to hear about your mum, i live a couple of hours from family but they are only a phone call away. My mum usually comes to stay for a couple of days when ive had each bub, and she will take the older ones to school for me, last time i had to stay in hosp for 3 nights so she cooked for hubby lol and looked after the kids. I dont know what i would do without the support.

i know what its like when you dont have many people around you. I have some really good close friends now (although i had one that got really jealous when we announced we were having another one and she hasnt really spoken to me since, even though she had only just had a baby girl a month before that!!) but there have been times when i was out of the loop, at home with the kids, hubby at work and living in a new town, it was hard at first.

Just take things a day at a time, will look forward to hear how your going
i havent read all the replies yet but i just wanted to say BIG HUGS!!

It sounds like a stressful time in your household.
If it was me in that situation i wouldnt be able to terminate (im not saying its wrong for everyone but that is my oppinion) i think that everything happens for a reason and we are only dealt the hand that we can handle.
I only have 3 children and sometimes i think i cant handle them and i get frustrated and cranky but i used to do that when i only had one child too

my older two boys are 26 months apart so 6 months older than yours will be but i found that was enough time to get a routine going and was able to slip ds 2 into that routine.

as far as your income is concerned i can see where you are coming from in regards to not being sure if you could afford another one, but if you descided to abort and then in 3 months time your partners income improved im sure you would disappointed at yourself for using that as your main deciding factor.

im sure you are going to have a really hard time making the decision

my advice to you is if you are in doubt do not abort.... you have to be entirely sure that is what you want
good luck hun

Hi, I completely understand your emotions right now as I'm going through the same thing myself... I have 3 beautiful children who we love and adore! our eldest will be 8 in March and youngest will be 3 in March, my husband had a vasecotmy when our youngest was 8 weeks old as we made the decision which we were happy and content with that our little family was complete.
All my family live interstate which i'm lucky to see once every 12 months now as it costs alot for a family of 5 to travel let alone what about 6..... Everyhting just keeps running through my head constantly... How?, will I cope? etc... I just finished studying to set myself up for when our youngest starts kindy and everything is so much easier now with the kids and their ages, I have just finished 8 years of nappy's!!
I'm heading back to our dr this afternoon for testing to see if I am as I have missed my period and breasts are very tender... he is also the dr who performed my husbands "Snip"... talk about total SHOCK!! i have been researching the net all morning about the possibilities of fally pregnant after the "snip"and surprisingly I have found alot of stories which makes me more concerned.... i'm loosing faith in my husbands "snip"day by day as I pray my period shows up... I'm a mess emotionaly at the minute... Goodluck with your's!
Hey everyone
So I had a scan on Friday and I must be earlier than what the doctor thought. Only 5·5 weeks. So not much had happened yet with our final decision. I've talked to hubby and we are at the stage where if it's a singular baby then we'll go ahead with the pregnancy but of it's twins then we have to have another talk. I'm struggling in my mind to terminate twins knowing it's 2 beautiful bubs but financially and emotionally I don't think we could cope.

Tb8033 you were the last person to comment on my thread and I'm comforted to know that there is someone going through this at the same time as me. How is everything going for you at the moment. Did you go back to the doc and find out what happened. Hope to hear from you soon.

Well I'll be going back in 2 weeks to get another scan to see where I am at with the pregnancy. Lets hope for one.

Thanks for listening everyone.
Omg, I know this is months later but your story sounds like me ATM.
I have 4 yr old twins in kinder and a 23 month old, all boys, and now I think I may be pregnant with a 4th!
I'm scared... I had decided before this happened that I was in no way going to have any more, husband agreed.
I was starting to feel like myself again having time to get my nails and hair done etc, (superficial I know) but part of my worries is not having even a moment to myself.... Financially we are already struggling at times, hubby is self employed also... We would need a bigger car, bigger house, it's all very overwhelming.
But at the same time I don't want to abort and fear I would regret it if I did...
All my life I said I was going to have 4 children but after my 3rd I thought enough was enough lol...
Please tell me what you decided I would really love to know how u are going with it all....
Hey Twinmum2b- I know how you feel about starting to feel like yourself again with the hair and the nails. its nice to be able to go and get your hair done etc.
Well my youngest is will be 10 months on the 29th and he is such a beauty.
I think I struggled with the unknown for a long time into the pregnancy but I wouldn't change it for the world. I couldn't see my life without him now. Things yes are a little tougher with the budget etc but we are making it work. I have gone back to work when my little one was 4 months to help ease the pressure as hubbys work doesn't bring enough in at time. And there was a time where I had to seek the help and assistance of a local community group for basic food when we really struggled but I still wouldn't change anything.
As for our house, we technically need an extra room so each child has one each but at the moment my toddler is happy sharing his bedroom space with the baby. there is always ways around situations.

I know I would have regretted my decision to terminate if I went ahead with it. I still think about it now. but seeing Thomas's smiling little face in the morning squashes any doubt that I once had.

it wont take long for things to go back to normal. Another mum said to me once you have 3 kids, the rest are a cinch... and I guess she was right. I did worry about a lot about having things taken away from my other kids but we seem to get by with everyone getting what they need.

I hope that this has helped in some way. feel free to continue to write to me if you just wanna chat. ive been there so I will offer any advice that I can.

be positive, things will be ok smile

Bobbie -lee
There is 22 months between my first and second and then 21 months between my third and fourth (after a break of 6 years). Fourth one was pretty unexpected, I was on the pill and wasn't sick, never missed it and voila pregnant. I cried about it for days. I even got to the point where I had the abortion booked in but I just couldn't go through with it. In saying that though my ex never wanted him and never really accepted him. His first boy (my no.2) and his girl (my no.3) were all he ever cared about and the youngest was left on the outside when it came to him. (needless to say he was an ahole)

I managed ok with both sets of kids. Afternoon sleeps are a definite must when it comes to surviving that's for sure. I also had my both girls (no. 1 and 3) toilet trained and in a bed before bub came. That made things easier and cheaper since I was saving a fortune on nappies and didn't have to go and buy a new cot. Money wise, well you just take things as it comes and do the best you can.
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