My 3 Little Terror Tots! wrote:
Growing up I always wanted a big family and actually imagined myself with mainly girls. With each pregnancy I have found out the gender and to be perfectly honest I have always felt a small sense of dissappointment each time I was told it was a boy. But, having found out early, by the time I gave birth I had well and truely come to except it and I love all three of my little men as much as I could possibly imagine loving any child and I just couldn't imagine them being anything else.
So far we've had two attempts at finding out the gender of our current little bundle, but it has been very uncooperative and stubborn and refuses to give away any hints. While there is a part of me that still wants (and probably always will want) a little girl, I'm actually hoping it's another boy as I think this will be better for our family. I am worried that if we have a girl she will be treated differently (especially by DH) and because it is our fourth I'm worried the boys will question whether or not we only kept trying because we wanted a girl (even though this one wasn't planned). Plus I'm loving the idea of having even numbers so there less chance of someone feeling left out and if we have a girl it may not work out quite as well.
I know our extended family are all hoping we have a girl and everytime someone finds out we're pregnant again the first thing they say is, "maybe it will be a girl" which is really starting to bug me. More so though because when I tell people I would actually like another boy they look at me like they don't quite believe me and that I'm only trying to convince myself.
I do think though if I do have another little boy I will always grieve a little bit for the daughter I never had, especially during certain milestones and events, but there is no way in hell I would keep trying to have babies just in the hope one would eventually be a girl.
I did see/hear a news story a couple of years ago about an Australian couple who had terminated a pregnancy after finding out it was another boy when they wanted a girl and I was absolutely hoffirfied by the story. The couple had gone public with their story because they wanted to start a petition to leagalise gender selection in Australia for purposes other then medical reasons. I can only begin to imagine what type of negative affect that will have on their sons as they grow up.
Just throwing in a couple of interesting little facts on gender (well according to some research stuff I read):
- There is only a 50/50 chance of getting a gender when you fall pregnant the first time (but even that's only a hypothetical 50/50 for the chances of calculating without gender testing of the sperm).
- Once you have a baby of one gender there is a 75% chance of your next baby being the same gender.
- If you have two children of the one gender ther is a 90 (something)% chance a 3rd baby will be the same gender (and for any subseuqent children the percentages remain in the hogh 90% range)..
- Only a very small percentage of men have an even 50/50 ratio of male to female sperm. Most will be more dominant in one particular gender.
Sorry to say but the myth around gender in subsequent pregnancies is just that, a myth. Every pregnancy has the same chance at being a male or female. I think it's slightly skewed towards one gender by a percent or less.
I will find a link about it.
Regarding gender disappointment - I try not to judge those who experience it as it seems to be a very real thing. I think it depends on your outlook and preconceived ideas about parenting/pregnancy. My own outlook is that gender is something you can't consciously determine and that when the miracle of dna lining up takes place, I am more concerned that those genes mean a healthy baby rather than what genitals it will have. But that is purely my outlook and I don't expect everyone views pregnancy through the same lens. I try not to get upset over stuff I can't control and I found pregnancy and childbirth so complex that I never really invested much emotion in to gender. Everyone knows someone who kept going for a boy or girl etc but again, you can't control their gender let alone how they will be have as a woman/man so wishing for a person to carry out your own ideas of what a girl or boy will be like sets up the child to fail the parent I think. What about the much wished for boy who doesn't want to play soccer with dad or is gay, same with the girls. My oldest girl is very tom boyish so far and I have a funny feeling that the only chance I will get to put frills and pink stuff on her is now not for much longer. If I had ideas of shopping and all things sugar and spice I would be sadly disappointed. These are just my ponderings around gender disappointment but I know it's real for some although I personally don't experience it.