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Partners who work away Lock Rss

well...... I think its unfair to place rules on it. I am sure you wouldn't be very impressed if he told you that you were only allowed one night out without him. If he comes back and wants to spend every night out drinking with friends, then I think you have other issues at hand. You need to leave it up to him to decide how often he goes out, just like its up to you to decide how often you want to go out. xxx
Hubby doesn't work away but he gone away for work things a few times since we had kids. I actually enjoyed it. Just me & my boys it was easier by ourselves.

I wouldn't tell him he can go and see his mates 1 day. I would say to him that you want him to spend most of his time with you and harper but don't mind if he goes out a few times with his mates with or without you.




My DH works away, can be gone anything up to 3 weeks at a time, he travels around NZ and has no fixed schedule. He is amazing he spends pretty much every minute of the little time off he has with our Dd and I to the point i sometimes feel guilty he has not much life but work and family.
Occasionally he does go out with his friends and sleeps for half the next day BUT its 3 or 4 times a year and I'm happy for him to do that. Also sometimes hel spend half a day out with his friends on the river or whatever but now as our DD is getting older he often takes her.

We never laid down any rules when he started this year 6 years ago, its just how its panned out. For us personally I think it would have been rude to state a limit of days he could see his friends.



Hi there, where about are you from? My hubby works away too. His roster is 28/28.
Tori-93 wrote:
it's just i know what he is like, he'll come home after not seeing us for 4 weeks and then spend maybe 2 days with us and think its okay to go out every night. I wont set rules though. Hopefully he will realise family is more important smile
thats the thing really. He has to be an adult and make his own decisions and choices. If he chooses to go out most nights then thats his choice. You can tell him how you feel and how that affects you, but ultimately its his decision and you have to decide whether you are prepared to put up with it. Equally you can tell him you are going out and Harper is his responsibility that night. You can't tell him he isn't allowed to go out, or he can have x amount of nights out a week, because he isn't a kid and you aren't his mum. If his choices and your choices don't mesh, you either negotiate or your relationship won't work. xxxx
I can see where you are coming from but I wouldn't put limits on him either. He should want to spend his time off with you & Harper not be told what he can or can't do. His life should have changed just as much as yours since your daughter arrived. Have you spoken with him about it or are you just expecting him to be like this? My hubby was thinking of the mines a few years ago but we weighed everything up & he could get the same if not better money here without the sacrifice & now that our little one is on the way I couldn't even imagine him leaving for a few weeks at a time smile
Tea & Tom wrote:
I can see where you are coming from but I wouldn't put limits on him either. He should want to spend his time off with you & Harper not be told what he can or can't do. His life should have changed just as much as yours since your daughter arrived. Have you spoken with him about it or are you just expecting him to be like this? My hubby was thinking of the mines a few years ago but we weighed everything up & he could get the same if not better money here without the sacrifice & now that our little one is on the way I couldn't even imagine him leaving for a few weeks at a time smile
lol I am the opposite. I was looking up mining jobs for dh because he would get rostered time off. If he did FIFO we would actually see him a lot more then we do now and he would get paid a hell of a lot more!
I guess it depends on what work they are looking for then smile It definitely wasn't worthwhile for us and I am glad as I get to keep my hubby close by smile
And it May take him 2-3 months to settle into his new life completely.
New daughter, changed relationship with you, New job, changed relationships with ffriends,
he may need a few trips away and trying to fit everything in in the one week he is home, till he works out a balance that works for you all


Behind a Duckie wrote:
And it May take him 2-3 months to settle into his new life completely.
New daughter, changed relationship with you, New job, changed relationships with ffriends,
he may need a few trips away and trying to fit everything in in the one week he is home, till he works out a balance that works for you all
+1
It shouldn't matter his age. If he is a dad, he is an adult. The only way he can learnt the lessons to becoming a responsible adult is to learn the lessons himself. When they go from being at mum and dads and then into a relationship where they are still treated as a teen, they don't learn anything. You can by all means suggest how much time you would like as a family, but you can't set limits. All that does is mean he doesn't learnt the lesson and both sides end up resenting the other. If you are in an adult relationship, you have to have an adult relationship. Setting limits for the other is a parent / child relationship.
errrrr You might have missed my other post. I haven't said not to say anything, I have said you can't tell him what he can and can't do. I absolutely agree with you to have the discussion about it, but you can't tell another adult how often he can go out - which is what the op was asking about. I agree that you should communicate your own limits, but it is not up to the other party to set them. All you can do is say what you are prepared to put up with. I am by no means saying he is automatically going to be a family man once he has a bub - that can take a long time to learn. Dh is still learning and my oldest is 6! I am saying even with young parents or just young couples who are learning how to be with each other and entering into a proper adult relationship, you can't tell the other person what to do, even if it makes you feel like you are more in control and you feel it is telling them how you feel. All you can do is say how you feel about it, how it affects you and negotiate. You can not set the limits for the other person. All that happens then is the other person becomes resentful of you and you become resentful for having to be the "responsible" one. I have been with dh since he was 17 and I was 18. We moved in together after 6 months. We have now been together for 15 years and these are the lessons we have learned along the way!
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