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Being a mum Lock Rss

Hi ladies I was just wondering if any of you hate being a mum. I do
I find it completely unrewarding and my children never do anything I ask them they just mouth back at me or just give me a look.
I never wanted children and I am now regretting it big time. I have 1 son 5 and 2 daughters 3 and almost 2. I hate everything about motherhood. I accomplish nothing in my day and even when I tidy up within 5 mins if im lucky the house is demolished again.
I wake up every morning and feel like im entering another day on the battlefield. sad
I guess im honest with my self but I don't know how to change my attitude.
I was an older mum and never thought that once they kids were here that I would really feel this way but I do. And unfortunately where I live doesn't allow for a job as people are losing there jobs as businesses are closing and there are really no childcare available.
Don't really know what the point of this message was just getting off my chest I guess.
I think you are really brave admitting this.it must be the hardest thing to say or feel.maybe you could think about moving so maybe you could get a job n put the kids in daycare.maybe having time to be you instead of just being mum will help you deal with the situation.i cant really offer any advice (never felt like that before)but i am sorry that you feel like that and i hope you work something out
I can't say I understand myself because I have bad days like you do, but my feelings aren't negative towards motherhood or my children. I would suggest to see your GP and get a referral to talk to a therapist. Also you must discuss with your partner. The first thing I thought of was maybe you needed to go back to work, but if that's not an option in your area, It may be time to consider moving outside your area. This seems to be affecting you enough to warrant such a change. Hate and regret are strong words.

My mother told me only last year she'd rather be dead or have no children. Now this was horrible even though I knew growing up it to be true to hear her say this to my face even as an adult is hard to get over. My point is you have to deal with your feelings towards motherhood and your children. Don't ignore it get help. I am one of three children and the only one who has any sort of relationship with her. Your negative feelings won't dissapear on their own. Please seek help from a professional.




I am sorry you are feeling this way, it must be awful. I agree with others about seeking help, just start with the GP if you're unsure what to do first. It shouldn't have to be like this and if you can identify your feelings that sounds like a great start to getting help. Can you/do you have a partner you can talk to about this? Being a Mum would be the most challenging, tiring, difficult, stressful, expensive, sometimes dead boring, and messy job I have ever done, but even at the worst times I don't hate it or regret it. We can all feel overwhelmed at times, it's hard work and its ok to ask for help. Take care.
That must be awful for you sad But, if my kids answered back at me all the time and didn't do as asked I might feel the same as you.
Have you tried reading any parentlng books? I am currently reading one by Dr Laura Markham, which is called something like 'Stop yelling & start connecting'
Being a parent is something you have to work at and you may find it useful to try some different parenting techniques and you may then find your children reacting differently to you and hopefully you may start to enjoy them.
Good luck!!!







Thanks to everyone who responded. And happy head u have summed it up completely. Its like you just get it.
I have been diagnosed with PND and I am on medication. But the medication really isn't helping because Im not really depressed.
I don't hate my kids at all quite the opposite I guess being honest with yourself and verbalizing it is not always a good idea as others who maybe do not feel the same are inclined to judge and that of course is human nature. Not all problems come down to PND tho and after looking at the responses I would think if I visit my GP and tell them pretty much what I have written here then my medication will be increased when the root of the problem is actually me not my children. I would never harm them or myself.
Its not fair on the kids to have a mum that really doesn't really want to be one and that is what I need to overcome, I don't yell but I just don't get heard and day after day it becomes quite draining and frustrating.
Kids are wonderful and they deserve a mother who is happy to spend time with them.
Thanks again for all your words.
HappyHead wrote:
I'm really sorry you are feeling this way and to me it sounds like you are feeling trapped and unappreciated and have lost a bit of perspective about your current situation and I say current because at the age stages that your children are at it is a minefield of bad behaviour, endless cleaning, cooking, picking up after them, not being listened to etc... which can be demoralising day in and day out and even moreso if you dont have any support. However as your children grow and change things will get a little easier as they wont be so needy of you and will learn to pick up after themselves and you wont have to do everything.

A change in perspective is needed but that's easier said than done smile I get what you are saying about you dont get anything accomplished as there's no visible result from all your hard work cleaning etc and its groundhog day.... but your result is in your children, they are fed, cleaned, clothed, happy and thriving and healthy and that is a huge accomplishment, especially when you have three kids under 5. We need to remind ourselves sometimes how lucky we are to have normal kids who are healthy Vs having kids with disabilities (learning or physical) and health problems.

Little kids wont thank you so your thanks is in cuddles and kisses and smiles. Have you considered going to a playgroup or mothers group or is there the possibility of a relative looking after them or daycare once a week so that you can have some time out. I think its important to get a break, even if you do nothing... just so you can have a hot coffee in peace, watch a bit of trash TV, get your haircut, whatever without having 3 kids needing you.

Its also important to get out of the house, stuff the housework and just get out in the sunshine and fresh air, find some other adult company and go on play dates so you can talk to an adult and the kids can play for a bit.

Having a 2 year old and 3 year old is hard work, its a really really challenging age and a 5 year old as well, they still have their tantrums etc so you've got alot on your plate.

I think its also worthwhile seeing your GP to talk about how you are feeling before things get any worse, sending you a big hug and I hope you can find a way to enjoy motherhood because your kids need you, you are the light of their lives even if they dont show it xox


Excellent advice, agree with every word smile
Hope and Hysteria wrote:
We get fed so many idealised images of motherhood: smiley healthy children who eat the scrummy healthy food we give them, yummy mummies fashionably dressed and up to date with the latest parenting psychology, celebrity mothers in their designer homes that magically clean themselves.......
Then the reality is not quite so appetising. I love my kidlets. But some days I do hate being a mum. It is sheer drudgery at times, and no matter how mahy loads of washing I do, there's always more.


+1 to this and to happy head!

Op- it is hard for sure and so easy to feel the way you do. I'm struggling with these feelings some days too so I wish you all the best and good on you for putting it out there and looking for help smile

I normally try mixing it up with the kids, get out and about really is the key. Days at home unfortunately are when I feel the worst. Maybe go for a drive to somewhere completely new each week? Just remember this is just one stage of motherhood- you have when they are independent and you can enjoy their company and shop together, celebrate birthdays as adults, family holidays when they're a bit older- the ages they're at are just so difficult but there are so many things to look forward to as they grow x







hi There sounds like you need a break! ya do need variety in life with anything really
try and have some time out and it will make you miss your kids and love them even more!

ps My friend just lost her baby she has been trying for years to get pregnant and after an expensive ivf bill she miscarried ten weeks in. When you think your life Is crap think about other mums who cant have kids
im not saying that tomake you feel bad I just want to let you know your lucky to have 3 kids
And you choose to do this so you got to be the best mum you can. Im sure you are a great mum I know its frustrating when they don't listen !!
Hope and Hysteria wrote:
We get fed so many idealised images of motherhood: smiley healthy children who eat the scrummy healthy food we give them, yummy mummies fashionably dressed and up to date with the latest parenting psychology, celebrity mothers in their designer homes that magically clean themselves.......
Then the reality is not quite so appetising. I love my kidlets. But some days I do hate being a mum. It is sheer drudgery at times, and no matter how mahy loads of washing I do, there's always more.


Thank you for understanding.
Its not that we don't love the kids it sometimes all the other stuff that goes with it smile
Gsxrness wrote:
hi There sounds like you need a break! ya do need variety in life with anything really
try and have some time out and it will make you miss your kids and love them even more!

ps My friend just lost her baby she has been trying for years to get pregnant and after an expensive ivf bill she miscarried ten weeks in. When you think your life Is crap think about other mums who cant have kids
im not saying that tomake you feel bad I just want to let you know your lucky to have 3 kids
And you choose to do this so you got to be the best mum you can. Im sure you are a great mum I know its frustrating when they don't listen !!


You know you are absolutely right and I do often think of others who are unable to have children it plays on my mind constantly as I have 2 close friends who struggled for years to get pregnant so I know where these women are coming from.
I too lost a baby at 12 weeks and that was the most terrible moment of my life and when a doctor is telling you that everything will be alright and you know its not it prolongs the inevitable. So I do put my self in other peoples places regularly.
Thanks for your comments.
Gsxrness wrote:
hi There sounds like you need a break! ya do need variety in life with anything really
try and have some time out and it will make you miss your kids and love them even more!

ps My friend just lost her baby she has been trying for years to get pregnant and after an expensive ivf bill she miscarried ten weeks in. When you think your life Is crap think about other mums who cant have kids
im not saying that tomake you feel bad I just want to let you know your lucky to have 3 kids
And you choose to do this so you got to be the best mum you can. Im sure you are a great mum I know its frustrating when they don't listen !!

Thanks after to speaking to my lovelyhuysband last nite we have decided to go seek help to just help me through all these feeling I have.
The point of my message was just to get it out there.
I know I need a break but I have no one close to ask for help they all live 9 hours away and we have only been where we are for 14 months and unfortunately childcare is not an easy option.
I really love my kids and trying to find any type of counselling is difficult.
Thanks for understanding.
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