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  5. Seems to be a lot of sadness and upset round here lately

Seems to be a lot of sadness and upset round here lately Rss

This thread is for all of you, and for me.... write here what you need to do to fix a problem so we can all feel a little more positive.

Mine is that I've got a lot of resentment toward my dh over his snoring issues, he seems to not care how much it affects me and only tries something new if I nag him to death over it. I'm sick of it and I can't keep putting up with it, I've been feeling really teary over our whole marriage and I'm sick of giving and giving and feeling like he's only present in body. He doesn't give much time or thought to his family, we spend no time together and we're sleeping apart, the good communication we once had is now strained and things are left unsaid. Once upon a time we made decisions together and discussed what we were doing in life, and lately he's just making decisions without consulting me, and I feel like life is about his needs and not mine.

So today I've written him a big long letter to get it out there so we can talk about it, and I hope it helps. I'm feeling so alone and desperately unhappy lately that something has to give... and I want our marriage to work, I really do. I feel like this is the cross roads where we either fix it or leave it, and I keep getting upset over it. So.. I've emailed him that letter and that means tonight will be a big chat, or.. if he decides to get defensive it could be a big argument, but I hope not. I feel slightly better knowing that I've actually told him what the problem is.

Your turn. smile




Good on you for writing such a letter, I really hope it helps start the conversation for you to work through things with your husband. It sounds like its really straining and taking its toll on you.
Good on you chalys for the letter and good luck smile

Thea I'm here if you need to talk a problem shared is a problem halved smile



aw khmum.... big hugs honey.. men are such a different breed arn't they. They're so difficult to live with and so difficult to live without. I've been having a lot of d and m's with myself today... and I've decided that a lot of problems arise with couples because women are emotional beings... most of us need to be supported and loved so that we can function at capacity. If we feel like the man is there for us, even if he doesn't actually help out much, just him giving you his full attention, eye contact and encouragement fulfills something within us. My husband is a great dad when he's home so I can't complain there, but yep, I feel like when it comes to us he's just not there.
Take last night for example.. he was on the computer and yes its a brand new computer only got it yesterday, but I asked him a question and he completely ignored me. I stood there waiting for an answer, then sighed and gave up. As I'm walking off he says "what hun?" and I say don't worry about it. He then says 'no tell me, I'm listening now'..... and I feel like saying to him that it's too late, he was already hurtful in that when he had the opportunity to be present he wasn't there for me, and listening now doesn't automatically fix that he ignored me.
This happens all the time, I am second fiddle to everything else.

So I feel you babe. Imagine being in a relationship where you felt like you were adored? Wouldn't it just uplift you and spur you on? I don't know about others, but being taken for granted really really drags me down and eats away at my soul.

I hope you can find an answer hun. I used to think that I would survive whatever came our way come hell or high water, I would stick with him. Now that I'm a little older and wiser I know that if I wont sacrifice a lifetime of happiness for an unhappy marriage. I know that he senses things are not right because the other night he hugged me and said "I do love you you know", and I said thank you, and he then proceeded to remind me that our marriage vowels included 'in sickness and health til death do us part'. My reply to him was that staying in a marriage should not be an obligation, but rather a choice.

Anyway... that's where I'm at. I feel like I'm sitting on a fence and it could go either way. He's a nice person, he's kind hearted and I know he cares.. he just gets side tracked and enveloped in his own life, and I don't like being excluded.




mummashan.... I saw a saying a while ago that said "nothing changes, if nothing changes."

I don't know why it struck home with me, it's probably obvious to everyone else... but I guess what it's saying is that if you don't want to continue in the way that you have been, you have to do something about it. Ask for help sweet, you're worth it. And your kids will benefit for it.

T I have no idea what's going on in your life at the moment but I hope things get better soon... xx

and 3littlemen... you've taken a step toward change, how brave are you darling! You are on your way to making a positive change. smile




God, now I am crying for you ladies. Chalys I am glad you have written that letter. I really hope it works. Also would it be worth going to marriage counselling. You have lots of issues & he probably does as well. Just a thought. Sending you lots of hugs.

3littlemen I am sending you lots & lots of hugs. I hope you can work things out.

Curious one & the curious two. Same to you. Loads of hugs. xx

Khmum, the tears were really rolling by the time I got to the end of your reply. Do you have any friends or family that could support you? Also maybe some counselling as well might help you guys.

Myself, I lost my beloved grandma 12 months ago & went to my grandfathers funeral last week. My dad now has no parents. I am really worried about him. His health gets really affected by stress. My dh's mum has been battling cancer in Auckland for the last 6 months. She is a chronic migraine sufferer like me. We thought her cancer was gone only to be told it is still a little bit there. She has only just been moved to a high care home. Now we get a phone call the other night saying she has 2 weeks or less to live. We were under the impression she has 2yrs. All my dh's family is trying to get to the bottom of whats really going on. It was the head nurse at the home who told my dh's aunty this.

My dh only just went back to work this week after having adult chicken pox. He got really bad with it. He had only just come back from New Zealand 2 weeks prior to this. I reckon he may have got it over there. The week before that my ds was really sick with temps, coughing & congestion. I am on my 5th week of my latest horrid migraine. Last night I just cried all night because of the pain. No point calling a doctor or going to er as they cannot help me.
We are living week to week as well financially. All our money each week goes on my specialist/gp visits, chemist for me & groceries plus rent. We never have any money for us. We never go anywhere because I am so sick all the time with the migraines. Emotionally its taking its toll on me. I keep blaming myself for the way my family has nothing nice to look forward to. Just to top it off my 17yr old dd moved out on me. She didn't like living here anymore. I am kinda of adjusting to this now. Its been so hard though. She also suffers migraines/headaches. She has all her life & it really worries me she will end up like me & my twin sister. wacko




Good luck with the letter Chalys. And good on you for being proactive and trying to work things through with your husband. I wish you all the best with everything & hope it gets resolved....

Well..... I don't know how to fix this.... But it feels good to let it out. My cousins 3 month old baby died yesterday. Assumed to be of SIDS. I am heartbroken for them. We spent the day with all our family yesterday & it was horrible. Life is cruel and unfair.. sad
Jarylee, so sorry to hear about the loss of your cousins baby. How awful. I couldn't even begin to imagine what the family is going through. wacko




oh jarylee.... that is so heartbreaking. What a nightmare... sad




Garfeild you have so much going on!!!! You poor thing, it's must be hard to know where to even begin!

Khmum I highly recommend the letter... it gives you time to think about what you really want to say rather than blurting out half of it and ending it in an argument.. it also gives you time to say things in a more tactful manner so as to avoid the argument altogether and get your point across so that he actually can see where you're coming from. I have done this a total of 3 times throughout our marriage and each time hubby berates me for not being able to just go to him and tell him, however, it works when conversation does not always. Good luck. x




Jarylee that is so sad -gbh to all of you ladies.I dont have any 'problems' or dramas atm and am glad of it so I will just pass on my best wishes to everyone who has and being proactive never did any harm

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Khmum, even just a phone call can sometimes help. I find I always end up ringing family when I have alot going on. Even relationship or kid dramas you know you can always count on family to talk to & get that much needed emotional support. cool




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