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  5. Back for my pre christmas rant!!!!

Back for my pre christmas rant!!!! Lock Rss

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE CHRISTMAS!!!! This SAME problem comes up EVERY . SINGLE . YEEEEEEEAR!!!!!!

Every year hubbies family contact us and say we are to spend $200 on 4 family members seeing as there are 4 of us. We have not done this yet. I think it's disgusting that they are so expectant. It would also cost us $800 and we don't have that much to just throw away.

So today hubby texted me and said sil wanted to buy me some things that I needed and he told her to just get me some towels or something because I won't want much from her. Then she asked what colour so he was texting me to ask what colour.

Now.. it's not that I'm ungrateful that someone wants to buy me a gift, even if it's not $200 worth. I get upset that my actual wants at christmas time gets ignored and they are completely disrespectful for how I feel about it. Instead of texting hubby back I sent her a text direct that said

"Hubby text me to say you were asking about xmas gifts for me….. I just wanted to tell you that the thing that would make me happier than any gift is if you hopped on the oxfam site and bought a goat or a chicken to feed a family that has no food at this time of year. I have so much already, my family is healthy, I have a home and plenty to eat, and every time a commercial event comes up my heart breaks for the children that have absolutely nothing when I have everything. I would be absolutely stoked if you did this instead of buying me a gift. smile"

The message I got back was really rude… it said "What the heck is he doing texting you about it, all I asked him in passing is if there were anything you needed!!!!!!! I don't donate to charities because I'm not rich and theres people I know that could do with some nice things, and besides I don't trust those websites anyway!"

I sent back a few more texts saying it would mean so much more to me to help someone more needy than me than receiving a gift myself, and provided the oxfam website.

She is now ignoring me.

I CANNOT BELIEVE that someone could be so so so self centred!! I am not asking her to not buy gifts for the rest of her family. I am not saying that she can't receive any gifts. I am asking for something that means I go without, no one else… because it would mean so damn much to me to help someone else that would most DEFINATELY appreciate it. I cannot believe that there will be a whole room full of people that are excited over the monetary value of their gifts. And I despise that when we try to give our children a modest christmas and teach them the value of giving and helping others that they will blindly and happily over-ride everything we want to teach them by lavishing expensive and extravagant gifts on them. It means that the small and meaningful gifts I will give my children will be over shadowed by blingy, bright and big gifts. And to a child it is to be expected that they will think their aunties are so awesome and that christmas is all about what THEY get from others!!


AND to top all this off. My mother is not speaking to me and told me I'm selfish for wanting to move to Darwin. She says it's selfish because my grandparents are not getting any younger. She obviously expects me to live here in misery waiting for them to die, which is what it actually gets down to!!! Now I can appreciate that she will miss my kids and if she simply expressed this, I would be able to empathise with her and provide reassurance. But she has instead gone about this with anger and cut off communication. She even shut her door in my husbands face while he was holding our son. WTF is wrong with her???!?!?!

I AM SICK OF PEOPLE DISRESPECTING MY VIEWS, MY NEEDS & WHAT I NEED TO DO TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AROAIHROEIHOIRJEOIRJSOEIFSDUGHIDUSFHLDKFHDFKJDHFSDJKL!!!!!!!!




That is exactly how I feel!!!!!! These people are the types that say those people in other countries are starving because 'they don't get off their arse and work'. They also say they don't understand why people would ever want to go to those countries where you get hassled by 'nips' who just want to take your money.

I have never met more small minded or purposefully uneducated people than these.

I just don't want to even see a single family member on dhs side or my side this xmas, I really don't.




Well that's actually what I want to do....




We always spend $30 each on them, which even then is a bone of contention to me. I don't feel like they deserve anything, and hubby and I focus Xmas on our kids not the adults. So to us it's really foreign how they get all childishly excited over the endless piles of presents. I look at the whole scene and feel mortified. How can she say she can't donate to charities because she's not rich when she's prepared to go for broke on everyone around her?
Now on my side of the family we don't bother with presents as there's 30+ members in our family. Instead we get together for a huge meal, everyone brings a platter... And it has a really nice feel to it just enjoying a meal and having a nice day together.

Can anyone please please please help me understand these people and why I am the bad guy for wanting my present to go to charity here?????

And yes, I cannot wait to be in Darwin, 2000 Kms (at a guess) away from ALL family!!




chalys 'n' J wrote:
We always spend $30 each on them, which even then is a bone of contention to me. I don't feel like they deserve anything, and hubby and I focus Xmas on our kids not the adults. So to us it's really foreign how they get all childishly excited over the endless piles of presents. I look at the whole scene and feel mortified. How can she say she can't donate to charities because she's not rich when she's prepared to go for broke on everyone around her?
Now on my side of the family we don't bother with presents as there's 30+ members in our family. Instead we get together for a huge meal, everyone brings a platter... And it has a really nice feel to it just enjoying a meal and having a nice day together.

Can anyone please please please help me understand these people and why I am the bad guy for wanting my present to go to charity here?????

And yes, I cannot wait to be in Darwin, 2000 Kms (at a guess) away from ALL family!!

One thing I love about my family, it is not expected that gifts will be received. They are just happy that we spend time together. And now that we have DD, they buy her presents but rarely go overboard.
I think your request for a donation to oxfam is a great one and I cannot believe that you SIL has that attitude. I completely understand why you want to get away from them.

You can come to Darwin and enjoy our wet, soggy weather that we're having thanks to the fizzle that was Cyclone Alessia!




www.facebook.com/LeReveWithSally

Wow, i would be angry too.

What a nice thing you want to do.

In our family we don't buy for the inlaw (sil or BIl) and it great since we have no contact even when we did we agreed on that.

Don't buy her anything, she sounds selfish and it better to spend your hard earned money on things you want too.

You sure your mum not my MIL cause they sound the same.




3 cuties I don't know how to not get angry every year. They put requests in about presents which pressures us to get right in there with what they do, and it just doesn't sit right with me. I don't want to display to my children this parade of money and gifts and yet I can't shelter them from it because we have to be there. I am very close to saying that I will not go, and I will keep my children home with me. This would upset all of them and make me into the bad person once again and my hubby would not be happy about me causing that kind of drama. Hubbies solution to it is to 'humour them'... He was opposed to me telling them I want my gift to go toward charity simply because he knew they wouldn't like it. I continually feel like I have to alter the person that I am to accommodate their narrow minded thinking and I just can't do it!! I don't understand why I am supposed to 'respect' everything they say and think and do and yet I am not given any respect for how I think and the way I want to live. If I give my point of view during conversation it is quite often literally snorted at and instantly ridiculed without even giving any thought to what I've said. ALL of my opinions have been formed after much thought, and if I need to I will go and research a topic to better educate myself. They however don't seem to have given any thought to anything. They are racists, they are unkind and selfish, they are rude to people who don't share their views and disrespectful toward other cultures/traditions that they don't understand. They think that everybody should be just like them and that's all there is to it. I really just want to disappear and be by myself at this time of year.




Mum Of 3 Cuties wrote:
Don't bow to the pressure, if you can't afford to "keep up with the Jones'" or their expectations then don't.

Just because you have researched doesn't mean that makes it right by the other person. Maybe the respect in the other direction isn't being felt.


+1 to this ^^^

Everyone is different. Christmas belongs to everyone. You do it your own way and let them do it theirs smile
in this situation i would actually be more annoyed/upset with my dh. how dare he say just humour them. so he would be willing to spend hundreds of dollards just to humour them rather than have the balls to stand by his wife and say no we are not doing that. is your husban like that? does he have their befiefs deep down and is just hiding it from you? i just don't understand how he can go along with their craziness when he knows how upset it makes you.

i persoanlly would buy a box of chocolates for them and that's it.

you say you HAVE to go but really you don't. you can do whatever you want. you can avoid them completely, you can go on christans eve or boxing day, they can drop over to your place. it is up to you. don't give away your power buy thinking that you have to do anything. don't you want to enjoy christmas? we make sure you think about how YOU want to spend it and what would make your family happy.

The day i broke up with normal was the first day of my magical life...

So what some of you are saying is that I'm not respecting their beliefs by pushing that they not buy me a present? Like I've Said I'm not asking them to do an entire Xmas in the way that I do. I havn't asked her to not receive or give presents to the rest of the family. I see it that they're not respecting me by pretty much scoffing at my request. The way that they carry on is that they want to force me to be like them. I'm not like them, I never will be. And no my opinion is not always 'right' but I can't stand listening to their ranting and raving over subjects they actually know nothing about or have a very one sided viewpoint. Things like saying charities keep all the money.... Well if they had a look at the sites a lot of them break it down and tell you where the money goes. Oxfam uses 30% of donations for administration and advertising. So how are they supposed to GET donations if they don't advertise or pay people to work in their shops? I just get sick of it. I most often don't say a word when I'm around them because you would get howled down if you open your mouth to oppose them on anything. So how am I the one being disrespectful here?

I am ALL FOR people having their own viewpoint but if you're going to scoff at everybody else for their views you'd better make damn sure you're an expert on the subject.

And saying let them do it their way and we do it our way is the exact thing I would like to happen. But in this case they want to do it their way and that's that. There's no wiggle room and no negotiating.




Ahh.... isn't Christmas just horrible??? lol!!!

Maybe what the others are saying is they have a right to hold their own traditions and culture around Christmas, and have invited you to be part of it. I kind of think you need to go and plant a smile on your face and go along with it or just stay away. Maybe if you want to do things your way just hold a quiet family christmas?
They most likely see the situation as you trying to change everyone else to fit around you. Not saying this is necessarily the case - but likely the way they see it from what you have described.

I do agree that $200 per person is way too much. Especially as I usually hate stuff other people buy for me lol. You just need to be firm and say 'we actually just can't afford that. We'll spend what we can afford so would appreciate it if others didn't go so extravagant for us either'.

The oxfam thing - what a nice suggestion but I'm not surprised these people didn't like it. All you can do is keep lightly suggesting it whenever people ask (but I wouldn't get into a long conversation about it) and one day someone might actually listen to you.

The money thing, I get annoyed too when people buy my DS lavish presents that kind of make what we get him look shit. Especially as we don't really have that much money and we save what we can for stuff for DS and some family members are able to just go out and buy whatever. But the way I see it is you kind of have to accept gifts in the spirit in which they are given, and there will be a lot of other opportunities to teach your children about gift giving, money, etc. Trying to change this just results in getting butthurt at your family because they wont stop buying your kids lavish gifts just because you ask, they'll just think you're being mean.

So yeah... my advice is these people obviously aren't going to change so stop trying to make them. Find a way to fit yourself into their celebration or just stay away.
We dont do anything for the adults... seriously its time they grew out of it. And the kids get no more that $30 of rubbish that will proberly fall apart in a few days. We never wanted them to think Father Christmas gave better pressys than Mum and Dad. Birthdays is a time to buy the nice stuff. Christmas is to commercialised now. Stand your ground, dont give in if it goes against your wishes.


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