Advice needed please

Particularly Interested to hear from teachers- Jazool and doublewammy if you're around. Also from mums who have or have had preps/foundation students.

Well, as some you well know my ds started prep this year. After a bit of an up and down start he was fine and made friends and seemed to have settled in quite well. Until about 2 weeks ago he has gone right backwards and is really upset when it's time to say goodbye at drop off. He cries almost every morning sad he has always been a sensitive little soul but being dropped off and time away from me is not new to him as I am a working mummy and have been since he was 6 months old, he was in daycare 1-2 days a week and with my mum also. He says he doesn't like school and hates being away from me for so long and gets very nervous and anxious about going. He is always fine when I pick him up and runs out in to the playground to playbwo his friends before going home and his teacher has been fantastic in helping with the tears at drop off and says he's ok a few minutes after I've left- which I know he would be. The thing is it has started to overflow into everyday life and he is getting upset when I leave to go anywhere without him sad like grocery shopping on the weekend he stayed home with dad but was anxious about me going and asked about 10 times how long I'd be and don't be too long mummy and you will come back won't you mummy? He's also coming into our room every night about 3-4am. I've put a mattress in there as its happening so much.
My question is how would you approach this? I get him to tell me how he feels and what he's nervous about and try to reassure him and make sure I'm always there waiting at home time so I'm never late. I know he has a good time at school and he's doing quite well there too, but it's destroying me leaving him there crying every morning sad I'm not sure the whole tough love thing would work here as I don't want him to feel his feelings aren't being validated and palmed off. I'm just really stumped as to how I can help him feel good about going to school..?

This I can understand. DD1 started prep last year and it was a horror year for us. We have come a long way into grade 1 this year and although it is still a big issue and sometimes daily challenge, we have learnt how to manage her anxiety and are still learning more about her. The good news is it improved with time and as they mature. My advise would be to speak with the school so meaning principal as well as class teacher. Do they have a school social worker? This has been a help to my daughter. Also books we have borrowed from the school about feelings as at that age they just don't understand what their feelings are or mean to talk about them with adults. I will post pics of the ones we used.

I don't have any advice just wanted to say I'm sorry sad it sounds really tough, would be heart wrenching every day! I really hope it improves soon. Perhaps it is just an adjustment thing and it takes a bit of time? I think it sounds like you're doing all the right things

my eldest was like this. what worked for him was. when i kissed him goodbye and he started getting emotional i would tell him that i have a lil suprise in his lunch box.

i would put litle notes in there for him. like i love you, or pictures of a smiley face, a sticker anything that you think will cheer him up. also the anticipation helps him forget about feeling sad.

sometimes i used to say to him that i will have a lillte suprise for him when i pick him and a bring him a lolly pop or chocolate.

i would also tell him that when we spend time apart it makes me love him more. and tell him how proud you are that he is so brave going to school. and always talk about school in a positive way.

good luck, i know how hard it is.

Oh no poor little thing. Remember it is 2wks out from the holidays so they get super tired, with prep 1st term being the worst (well for us anyway). It's good you are reassuring him, hopefully nothing is happening at school that is making him uneasy. Does he tell you why he feels the way he does? Can the teacher give you any more info on anything that is happening after you leave? I have even noticed Emmy is at the point she needs the holidays, they get so cranky, she wants to argue all the time then bursts into tears a lot. Maybe start a holiday count down so he knows how many more days until he can have a pj day or get him excited about what you are going to do in the holidays xx

Thank you all so much for your replies, it has made me teary just reading them!! It is just awful leaving him there like that. it's not a big, loud, tantrumy crying session, it's quiet desperate tears with fear and anxiety in them sad so, so upsetting.

Pinkie pie- thank you so, so much for the suggestion of the books, what a wonderful idea. I have reserved two books from the library today and will ask if there's any at the school library too, he has library tomorrow so hopefully they have some he can bring home.

Alien squid- his teacher has been great and often comes over and asks him to help her with something to start the day off. She also fills in a daily running sheet each day for the following day and puts in in his bag so he knows what's happening each day and we can go through it at home. She's really great.

SMS- I love the idea of a surprise in his lunch box! He would love that too. I will start that from tomorrow. On the odd occasion he's had a good drop off I have been over the top with praise for him!! Telling him how proud I am and he's such a big, brave boy etc, etc. I will also do a reward for the days he has good drop offs too, I like that. Thank you smile

Mummsy- he has started taking a little wallet size photo of dp and I to school with him in his back pocket smile the other day we forgot it and I had to find something in my handbag for him to take and all I could give him was a trolley token from woolworths laugh he took it though and felt very important to keep it for the day! Whatever works, hey? smile

Mel- we have started a school holiday countdown which is good. He is quite tired and the holidays can't come soon enough for both of us!! His teacher says he's fine a few minutes after I've gone. He says he hates being away from me for so long and that its not fair that dd gets to stay home with me and he can't sad I might print him out a little calendar so he can mark off the days until the holidays start.

Thanks again for your support girls smile

Aww misskel, what a little sensitive boy you have and sorry that you all have to go through this. It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things but it's so hard when you can't work out what happened to make him change. It's great that he's got friends and his teacher sounds really supportive too. Like pinkie said is their a social worker or councellor at his school? That might be good to give him someone else to talk too. Kids do get really tired at this time of term so a holiday countdown sounds great, maybe a special "mummy and son" date in the holidays to look forward to might be good as well.

I second pinkies idea of books too, There is a great seiries on feelings called "when I'm feeling..." loved, sad, angry, scared etc... Trace Moroney is the author and they are great for talking about and identifying feelings. and they also have ideas for parents in the back too. One thing too we used to do at Kindy is show the children little scenario pictures and talk about how the kids in the picture were feeling and why. It's sometimes easier to identify others feelings that your own.

Good luck misskel and I hope you can work through this. It's awful seeling them so upset isn't it. Let me know how you're getting on too.

doublewammy wrote:
Aww misskel, what a little sensitive boy you have and sorry that you all have to go through this. It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things but it's so hard when you can't work out what happened to make him change. It's great that he's got friends and his teacher sounds really supportive too. Like pinkie said is their a social worker or councellor at his school? That might be good to give him someone else to talk too. Kids do get really tired at this time of term so a holiday countdown sounds great, maybe a special "mummy and son" date in the holidays to look forward to might be good as well.

I second pinkies idea of books too, There is a great seiries on feelings called "when I'm feeling..." loved, sad, angry, scared etc... Trace Moroney is the author and they are great for talking about and identifying feelings. and they also have ideas for parents in the back too. One thing too we used to do at Kindy is show the children little scenario pictures and talk about how the kids in the picture were feeling and why. It's sometimes easier to identify others feelings that your own.

Good luck misskel and I hope you can work through this. It's awful seeling them so upset isn't it. Let me know how you're getting on too.

Thanks dw, i will look up those books and get a couple for home, they sound good. I will have to ask if there is a school counsellor or social worker to enlist their help too. Thanks so much for your advice smile

My oldest ds is a bit like this too. Ds3 has days where he's gets a big clingy. Usually coincides with me having a busy few days I've found. I try to take a bit more time to have bedtime cuddles with ds3 and try to spend some extra time with him after school. He enjoys helping cook so I usually get him involved and he likes that extra time with me. Ds1 likes to talk after the little kids have gone to bed so he waits up reading and I go climb into his bed for a cuddle and a chat after I've cleaned up the dinner dishes and settle the other two and dd.

hey Misskel,

how are you and DS doing today?

Sorry for my late reply, I didnt see your post until close ot midnight last night.

you have heaps of amazing advice and feedback here already, a couple of things I just wanted to add.

like some of the ladies have said, exhaustion is a huge factor at this time of year. Prep is such a big learning curve and so intense for little people, 5 days a week is a big adjustment to make. Also the books that DW mentioned are great. ATM my class is reading '"When I feel kind" which has lots of good advice on how to be kind to yourself in little kid language smile

I guess the part that struck me most is how his anxiety has spilled into his everyday life also. I have just gone through this with my DS although he is much older, and it was impacting everything we did as a family (eg me popping out to get petrol, at the shops he didnt want our family to split up and meet again etc) so that to me is harder to deal with than the tears at school, as his teacher seems to be handling that very well. If you want to pm me, we can talk about that more if you like?

back to school, here is a link for a program that is offered in prep classrooms up here called fun friends.
basically its a program designed to teach confidence and resilience and how to be brave and speak up and make friends. Although the info is quite brief, maybe reading through could give you some ideas mentioned you could try with him at home too.

http://www.funfriends.org.nz/about-the-programme/

hope this helps
xx

Bump for Misskel smile

Jazool,

Thank you smile I have followed you so we can pm. Look forward to hearing from you x