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  5. Could be interesting... What do you think?

Could be interesting... What do you think? Rss

*Mimsy wrote:
I think adoption is a responsible choice for those not wanting or ready for children.

I think there should be more restrictions/focus on those who pop kids out but are neglectful, abusive, have children removed from care etc

+ 1

Personally my belief is that child abusers should be sterilised but that's a whole other topic.

Back to the topic at hand, it would feel pretty hurtful if you were put up for adoption only to discover you had a sibling close to your age who was kept sad
My Aunty had a baby when she was young, she fell pregnant to a manipulative older next door neighbor. She gave that baby up for adoption, then met her first husband and fell pregnant to him a year later, and had 2 kids with him.

No one knows what the future holds, and adopting a baby out is not usually done lightly, to punish someone for it by making a 'timing' law for future children would be cruel and inhumane.

Aka G&L smile

Interesting question, I've never really thought about this before. I like what mimsy said, I don't reckon many people would have another child very soon after having given one up for adoption. I think it's one of those things that can only be judged by the individuals involved. For the girl you mention T, I think it is not something people can say how it should be because they don't know that girls life or anything. Maybe 4 years was a huge difference in time in her life? It does make me feel sad i admit, for her and her kids. I imagine she might wish life was different its just not.
Weird I replied to this yesterday and its gone...... Oh well. Basically all it said was a lot can happen in 4 years for somebodies life to change enough to have another child. So it depends on the individuals involved and also the circumstances. It is a tricky one to answer as well, I guess one of those you don't know till you are in that situation type of scenarios.

At 17 shes probably still at school, likely has little support etc. 4 years down the track she could well now have finished school, and have finished uni, so she could have a degree, and a job, and therefore a reasonable income. And at very least, a degree to fall back on when she wants to go back to work. Not only that but she potentially could have been with this person a while, maybe even have got married etc. 21 is HUGELY different to 17 I recon. And 4 years is a fair amount of time! Even if she hasnt been to uni to get a degree or whatever she may have been working for that period instead and been saving money so would have better financial situation than at 17.

I dont think there should be any amount of time that you have to wait before you have more children. Its a decision for that individual. It would also depend on the reasons behind the adoption, for example if I was young and no income etc and adopted out my child then got pregnant again straight away that would be pretty silly, and yes, I probably should have waited. If however I have always wanted a child, I was in my late 20s, happily married etc and then was raped on the street and fell pregnant. If I didnt believe in abortion so went through with the pregnancy, but couldnt face the thought of looking at my child every day and being reminded of what I went through etc and adopted it out instead. Then my husband and I fulfilled our dreams of having a baby, I certainly dont see how that could be wrong in any way (I mean, I might not want to get pregnant that quick had I been raped but as an example I mean why should I be punished and not "allowed" to have another child coz I gave that one up for adoption when it occurred through no fault of my own?!)

Anyway, extreme example I know but think it makes the differences in circumstances obvious and how the situation could play a huge part in a decision either way. That said tho, I think 4 years later is quite a while later (I mean, wtf - why would she have to wait til the child was a teenager?!)
There is no "right" amount of time. Things change, people change... even a year can make a big difference in a person's life - both in terms of circumstances and maturity, so I think it is very individual. It is one of those topics that you cannot have a blanket statement on, similar to how long should a couple wait to have another baby after a loss, or how long after a divorce is it ok to remarry.

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Circumstances change. I have heard of some women who have gotten pregnant from abusive partners/rape/bad situations and that child was adopted out as opposed to termination. I think if that person was then in a stable relationship with someone they loved and felt safe with then got pregnant again good on them. Good on them for being able to move past something like that and shame on those that then judge because they did so.

On the other hand i really do think that they need to rethink govt policies on mothers that are on the dole and are deliberately getting pregnant again and again so they can stay living off of other peoples money.
That to me should be classed as benefit fraud.
My mum was beaten by her mum as a child and chose to live on the streets and at 14 she fell for some guy in his 20s and he got her pregnant, she put that child up for adoption (she was 15 then) then a couple of months later my dads mum found her and took her home for a shower loaned her some of my aunts clothes and helped her find a job. 1 month after she turned 16 her and dad got married (her dad was persuaded to give permission as she wasnt 18) and I was born 10 months later and my sister 4 years after that. There is only 18 months between my older brother and I. If she had waited for 6 years or more neither of us girls would have been born as she died aged 21 due to hereditary kidney failure.
I found my brother through the adoption records through social welfare 20 years ago and he totally understands why he was adopted and he has an amazing mum and dad who raised him.

My point is every situation is different so nobody can say you must wait for a certain number of years

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