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  5. one baby or more????? whats your choice

one baby or more????? whats your choice Rss

hello,

i was just wondering why anyone has chosen to either have one child or to have more than one?


thanks in advance smile
Hi smile my story is a little sad and a teeny bit morbid but here goes-
I had always wanted just one child and had my son and was very content and sure that he was it and we'd be a happy family of 3. Until my best friend's MIL died. Her husband was an only child. After the whole thing she came to my house and sat me down and said 'you cannot do this to your ds' and told me how her husband had to plan his mothers funeral alone, clean out and pack up all her things, grieve alone as her only child. She said she could only be there for him so much as it wasn't her mother and she couldn't understand his grief the same way a sibling would. Then she said now he is alone in the way that he is all that is left of his family sad It really hit home to me and I thought I didn't want that for my son. So we decided to give him a sibling and he now has a beautiful little sister whom he adores and she loves him to death and hopefully, all being well, they will always have each other long after we are gone smile
nice but sad story, thats for sharing. smile Before you had your second child did you ever think it was like replacing the first one? Is it easy having two kids?
I have three kids. I was lucky I guess that I had one our DD who is 8 and then I had twin boys who are 5. We always wanted more than one. I only have one brother my DH is one of 4. I am not close with my brother and my DH only with one of his brother. It is nice for them to share things growing up. You don't know what the future holds. I hope that my kids are close unlike us. But time will tell. All we can do is try to guide them to be there for each other. At no time did I think that our DD was being replaced by her brothers. To us it was just more love to share. It's great when they all play together and even now they are at school they all look out for each other. So I hope that continues long into the future.


We chose to have 2 kids so that they would have a playmate and grow up together and learn to share etc. Both DH and I have a sibling and could not imagine what it would be like to grow up alone. That's not to say that single children are worse off or anything, it's just a personal choice.
Of course it's harder having 2 kids and it really depends on their temperament and age gap and so on. Mine are only 18 months apart and very young still so it's full on most of the time. I think when they're a bit older it may get easier when they can play together and stay out of trouble smile
And no, it definitely does not feel like you're replacing your first born because each child has a different personality and you just fall in love all over again.
I have 3. But I have wanted another one for about a year. My dh is only so/so on the idea- its a financial issue more than anything. We agreed to try early next year (but only have a 3-4 month space, so I'm going to have to commit to a lot of loving'!!)

I would love to have 5 children, we are about to have number 2. I was one of four and had such an awesome childhood with my siblings. I think having 5 would be amazing for the kids and for us smile I'm already 33, I just hope that it's possible for us.
Also as Misskel said, but a slightly different point of view - a good friend of mine died a few years back, and his funeral was one of the worst days of my life, his parents heartbroken at the loss of their only child, and their future, it was truly awful. Please don't have one sad







Little Egg wrote:
Please don't have one sad


This comment actually upset me. I know it wasn't meant to be nasty, but for people who are considering having one child it's a real turn of the knife so to speak.
It's such a personal decision and people are constantly telling you your child is going to be a horrible person, or hate their life and that is not necessarily the case. Some people don't feel like they can have multiple children for all sorts of reasons, and things like this just make you feel awful.


OP, my son was this ] close to being an only child. I was happy with one. A few months before his 3rd birthday I started thinking that MAYBE I would like another one. Part of me wanted to have another child, and part of me thought that was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do. I felt like there was a war going on in my head.
I was so sick of hearing other peoples unwelcome opinions on the matter. Complete strangers would tell me I 'NEED' to have another one, I 'CAN'T' just have one. I wanted to punch them in the face.
People would say that only children can't take turns or share and are selfish and mean. Well I had a couple of people be quite surprised that DS didn't have any siblings because of how nice he was to other children and how well he shared and interacted with other children. If you teach your child these things they don't need a sibling to learn them.

My mum was talking to a lady one day and somehow the conversation got onto the fact that she was an only child (my mum didn't know this previously). Without telling this lady about me she asked her what she thought of being an only child and she said that she actually really enjoyed it. My mum asked her if she could tell me her story and she told her to let me know that being an only child wasn't a terrible thing like people make it out to be.
When my mum told me this I actually cried. I had had so many people tell me that I couldn't do it to my son. To hear from someone who actually knew what they were talking about that she had a wonderful life was great.

Anyway, why did I choose to have another one? Partly because I wanted people to shut up and leave me alone to be honest. The thing that made my final decision though was that DH wanted another one. I decided that if he wanted another one I could push aside my fear and have another one.
So I jumped in even though I was terrified about the whole thing.

Lastly, I just want to say - if you don't want to have another one, don't. Don't let people make you feel guilty for having one child. Just come up with something clever to say when people poke their nose in. I once told someone that I didn't need to have another one because 'I like the one I've got' tongue




"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do."

I think you have as many children as you can cope with. For some people that is just one. I understand what some of the other ladies are saying, but you can't have more children just in case one of them dies. It is something to consider, but you can't plan your life around those sorts of catastrophes. I have two children (and a third on the way) and that doesn't mean that it makes me foolproof against loss. I watched a show on Oprah once where a mother lost all 3 of her children in a car accident - nothing is guaranteed in life. Likewise you can't have more children just so your first born has a sibling. There are far worse things in life than being an only child. I have a brother and we are not close AT ALL. I may as well be an only child! If my parents died he would be absolutely zero help to me whatsoever in terms of sorting out their affairs and being an emotional support. It is wrong to bring a child into this world with a job or purpose. You should have another baby because you have more love to give and you want to mother another person, you should not have another child for support to your first born or as back up if god forbid something was to happen to your first child. These are not good reasons to have a baby in my opinion. Best of luck with whatever you decide.



I have to say that I have the same war in my head that zinkles had. I'm lucky enough not to have anybody in my life that would tell me I shouldn't have only one (nicely or otherwise) and lots of supportive people who say there is no hurry to make the decision but I still feel a conflicted sense of guilt that I 'should' have another child and I'm struggling to decide if there is any 'want' to have a second. I had never really been able to see myself having children at all and then when I felt like I did want children, I wanted one. Then when I was actually pregnant and for several months following the birth I wanted two. Since having my daughter 15 months ago, the last few months I have wondered if having more would be the best thing after all. I love my dd fiercely but I have struggled with certain aspects of parenthood and a loss of self. I know people can think its selfish to only have one, but I also wonder if it would be selfish to have two knowing that I might not cope very well. Having more than one child doesn't guarantee they won't end up alone in the world.

So, my decision hasn't been made. I'm not an only child who is not particularly close with my siblings and my DP is an only child who wished he had siblings. Like zinkles, I suspect it'll be DP who influences my decision most.

Not sure if you are in the stages of deciding how many children to have, but hopefully whatever you choose is an easy, guilt free decision.

Zinkles wrote:
Little Egg wrote:
Please don't have one sad

This comment really upset me.


Hi Zinkles, sorry my comment upset you, it is just my opinion.

I believe it is a proven fact that only children are happier and more content than those with siblings. Just something I remember reading somewhere







Sorry if this sounds rude, but i hardly think it can be a proven fact - too many various circumstances would come into play!

I almost had an only child - not by choice at all - and honestly peoples opinions on the fact my dd was an only child almost drove me to deep deep depression! The thought that i was destroying my childs life because of my inablity to conceive or continue to full term a pregnancy was absolutely soul destroying!!!

My DD is still an only child at age 6, (bub due in nov) and she is certainly a happy, contented, mature social little girl. By no means have we ruined her childhood by not producing a sibling earlier.

If you only want/ can only have 1, then go for it. Your child will not grow up to hate you. Friends can easliy become as close if not closer than family in the long run.



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