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Was I out of line with annonymous post?
Thanks raspberry smile to me it just seemed weird. I don't know maybe having baby brain it came out harsh lol.
No, I don't think so. You weren't rude or anything.
Thanks tp. I hope she gets the help she needs. smile
4 surprises wrote:
Thanks tp. I hope she gets the help she needs. smile


Totally agree.
I was lurking on that post. I don't think you were out of line or harsh. Hopefully she accepts the home visits and everything works out hunky dory
I was lurking too. No i think she may just be a little stressed and possibly blown it out of proportion.

I was tossing up to reply or not. I didn't straight out reply because I only had one visit and it was with baby no.3 and fortunately for me, all was going along nicely that I didn't get anything out of it. Mind you I had don a lot of babysitting. Although I would encourage others to have a visit just to check that all is fine. I was also lucky enough that my mum would always come to stay for a week or two plus DF always took a month or more off work.
I was in hospital long enough with DD1 and DD2 that I didn't need a visit. They did offer though! They came to visit when I had DS1 just to check my c-section wound I that all was still going well. I was meant to have a visit when I had DS2 but the hospital that I went to was not my local one and there was a breakdown in communication and the local midwife missed the arranged appointment. When the hospital that I delivered at rang to explain I told her that I was fine (because she was worried that the midwife couldn't make it until the next afternoon) she asked if I still wanted a visit. I said no and she was more than happy with that as long as I promised to call if I had any worries. So if the original poster is still out there reading, I guess you could request not to have a visit and all best. Remember though, that although you may not want a visit, just make sure that you do what is best for bub.



def not out of line, something just did not add up with her, and i worry about her and that baby if she does not accept her midwife help, or it did come across to me she had something to hide and id suspect her midwife would feel the same, i know as a first time mum i would not have managed those 6 weeks after without my midwife's help and support, in my opinion it was very suspicious and it was she didn't have a partner then she did



I've been humming about whether to reply here...
While I do think that all the replies were written with the best intention and care I personally thought they didn't help her actual question.
The op originally only wanted to know if she HAD to let her chn visit her home, while some replies answered this, majority turned into "you should" "why wouldn't you" "I found it was invaluable" "I think you need help" replies which quite frankly I can understand why she got so upset.
I know you ladies where only being your normal lovely helpful selves but it came across to me that's not what she needed/wanted at that point and she probally walked away feeling very judged.
Anyway, I could have it wrong but that's just how I read it.
*Disclaimer: This is not meant to insult or upset anyone smile
I just don't understand why anyone would not want the nurses help. To me she just seemed to make excuses as she went along. Her house was old! She has a partner to support her? In which previous she said she was single? To her not wanting there help? I don't think I know of anyone who has refused the services and help. And then when confronted about her house she changed to having anxiety and social disorder. But she manages to go to midwife appointments ok and if there was underlying issues with anxiety the doctors would know and the midwifes would know. I suffered anxiety 6 years ago and still sticks on my records. Every appointment I am asked is everything ok. Do you need to speak to someone. I just think there was more to her story than she let on. smile no matter what circumstances my household is in or condition whether clean or not etc or my kids are being feral running around half naked with a shitty bum I'm still going to let the nurses care for my baby. I only have the best interest for the health of my baby. That's my opinion smile I never set out to cause problems I just didn't see her point of you because it was a selfish decision on her behalf to not put her baby's health first. And then trying to cover up her excuses. smile
4 surprises wrote:
I just don't understand why anyone would not want the nurses help.


It can be as simple as not having any 'relationship'/contact with the midwife/nurse before they suddenly show up at the house. Like I said on that post, I had the nurse come out with my first and refused the offer for bub 2 and 3. The nurse I had come out with DD1 was basically pointless, I got more support from my GP than I got from her visit. It wasn't a midwife I'd had any dealing with through my pregnancy, in fact she wasn't even based at the hospital I'd gone through, she came in, weighed bub, checked my tummy and left. There was no discussion about how I was coping, nothing about breastfeeding etc. After my experience I can completely understand someone not seeing the relevance/need in having an essential stranger come to your house PROVIDED that there is someone you will go to for medical support if necessary. I had a local drop in clinic that I could visit for the first month or so with feeding issues, which I did make use of with DD1, I had a fantastic GP who listened to my concerns and with all 3 of my kids I had a GP visit at around 1-2 weeks post birth, 4 weeks and 6 weeks and that was where I got my medical support.

For someone with anxiety/social concerns I can completely understand wanting to be dealing with someone you have a relationship with, not whoever happens to be rostered that day which is certainly how it works where I am. She didn't say anything about avoiding medical care for her/bub, and I'm sure that if she had concerns she would be able to get medical support/help but that doesn't mean that she 'has' to have a nurse come out to visit. As for the no partner/partner stuff ... the post saying she was single and had no partner was 6 months ago, why is it so inconceivable that, in that space of time, she's either gotten back into a relationship with the baby's father or started a new relationship with someone who is supportive?

Yes her responses did start to come across as 'excuses' and 'justifications' but that may just be because she was having difficulty fully explaining where she was coming from/why she felt the way she did. I know plenty of people, myself included, who have a lot of trouble expressing themselves at times. It is great that so many people have found the nurse visits post birth helpful but the reality is that, like a pp said, it wasn't answering what she was asking and when all you're hearing is 'why wouldn't you, it's a great service' naturally you're going to start trying to explain your point of view, and not always that successfully.

Leisa.
leisah wrote:
4 surprises wrote:
I just don't understand why anyone would not want the nurses help.

It can be as simple as not having any 'relationship'/contact with the midwife/nurse before they suddenly show up at the house. Like I said on that post, I had the nurse come out with my first and refused the offer for bub 2 and 3. The nurse I had come out with DD1 was basically pointless, I got more support from my GP than I got from her visit. It wasn't a midwife I'd had any dealing with through my pregnancy, in fact she wasn't even based at the hospital I'd gone through, she came in, weighed bub, checked my tummy and left. There was no discussion about how I was coping, nothing about breastfeeding etc. After my experience I can completely understand someone not seeing the relevance/need in having an essential stranger come to your house PROVIDED that there is someone you will go to for medical support if necessary. I had a local drop in clinic that I could visit for the first month or so with feeding issues, which I did make use of with DD1, I had a fantastic GP who listened to my concerns and with all 3 of my kids I had a GP visit at around 1-2 weeks post birth, 4 weeks and 6 weeks and that was where I got my medical support.

For someone with anxiety/social concerns I can completely understand wanting to be dealing with someone you have a relationship with, not whoever happens to be rostered that day which is certainly how it works where I am. She didn't say anything about avoiding medical care for her/bub, and I'm sure that if she had concerns she would be able to get medical support/help but that doesn't mean that she 'has' to have a nurse come out to visit. As for the no partner/partner stuff ... the post saying she was single and had no partner was 6 months ago, why is it so inconceivable that, in that space of time, she's either gotten back into a relationship with the baby's father or started a new relationship with someone who is supportive?

Yes her responses did start to come across as 'excuses' and 'justifications' but that may just be because she was having difficulty fully explaining where she was coming from/why she felt the way she did. I know plenty of people, myself included, who have a lot of trouble expressing themselves at times. It is great that so many people have found the nurse visits post birth helpful but the reality is that, like a pp said, it wasn't answering what she was asking and when all you're hearing is 'why wouldn't you, it's a great service' naturally you're going to start trying to explain your point of view, and not always that successfully.

Leisa.


Totally agree and well put.

I didn't have any midwife/nurse visit me at home and I didn't want anyone to visit me at home. For no other reason than I hate people I don't know in my house. I used my GP and Pead for advice and they were great.

I think we all just need to accept that what works for some won't for others and move on. But I would like to think that any new mum in trouble would find support thru other means. Plenty of helplines these day that can give you advice over the phone without anyone coming to your home or your GP.


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