Huggies Forum

Mother in law issues Lock Rss

Hi guys, its 6.30 in the morning and im the only one logged on. The reason why i am so awake at this time is my mother in law is peeing me off....really bad!!! >:-<

I have returned to nz after being in oz for 3mths and daewon isn't settling too well as he is at the moment constantly in someone's hand. He is now refusing to be put down and is really hard to settle.

So this morning he woke at about 5.30am and was hard to resettle back to sleep. Who walks in but my mother in law who believes they shouldn't be left to cry as they GET USE TO CRYING. I believe they get use to being carried. She demanded me give him to her and she will carry him. Now during his sleep time they are watching tv >:-< i am so angry...she is undermining me and it is f...ing me off.

My husband is not here with me, he is still in oz and i do not swear at older people. She knows that i am angry and rubbing it in my face more that he is not crying...of course he isnt crying he is being carried...wat am i going to do when i need to put him down. >:-< oh im burning...she is awful. It is only my second night here and i think i am going to stay at my sisters house tomorrow. I was going to stay here a week out of consideration but i don't think i will be able to tolerate it anymore.

What should i do??? He is her grandchild and i can't just take him away as she hasn't seen him for 3mths. DH is coming 2 weeks from now, i was thinking of letting them two stay here and i stay at my sisters so DH knows what i had to put up with. >:-< >:-<

sorry for all the angry faces as i need to get rid of it and this is the best place to do that,

HELP!!!!

Sue & Daewon 23.03.2004

you poor thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

i kinda know where you are coming from as i have serious issues with my SIL. well she has issues wiht me-last time they came to stay she re-cleaned my kitchen, rearranged my pantry and just took over. not to mention what she has said to me.enough about me.

have you tried to talk to her?
just say that you are grateful for her advice but he is your son and because of that you know him best. if she doesnt rescpect that then i would go stay somewhere else but still let her see him.could you get your parnter to perhaps ring her and have a little talk.if she is being that bad i would stay with your sister because it cant be good for you and your son you getting so stressed.

good luck

natasha jayde - 1-1-05 ttc #2 end ong this year

Firstly is it your house and your child? If is so then you have all the right to say what you feel!! He is your son and does need to learn not to be carried and you tell her that!! Crying does not hurt! I know how you feel to, she is the same as my mil she is a pain in the ass too. She may be worse as she is still babying my hubby at 20!! She comes around and is all like kissy and huggy with them both, it makes me feel sick thinking about it!! But she knows not to *#*# with me as Ive already flown of the handle at her, before I was pregnant because she told me that I was a useless girlfreind as I wasnt helping my guy on his car mind you I had a broken hand she was constinelty putting me down and making me feel like I wasnt worth anything.
She onlys has one child and a spoilt rotten one at that!! I would never take my son away from her but I will tell her if she is crossing the line!
You stand up for yourself, your mil isnt the one that has to look after your son all the time, your his mum and you have the upper hand! Take control and even if you do go to your sisters that is still showing her your pissed with out conflict!!
Ever need to have a bitch again about you mil Just go ahead I will be here to bitch with you!!
Good luck
Meli

Mummy to 3 Boys

I have a book called "What to expect in the first year" There is a section / question in there about Grandparents spoiling baby. It says in general, to indulge (yes spoil) their grandchildren with a little extra of everything - love, time, material things, but not to the point where this spoiling regularly violates parental rules. It also says "Grandparents have the best of all worlds: They can have the joy of spoiling a baby WITHOUT THE MISERY OF LIVING WITH THE CONSEQUECES !! It then goes on to say:- Mixed Signals, which relates to your problem, mother won't pick bubs up at every whimper, grandmother will - make for a very confused and unhappy baby. If you like I could scan it and email it to you.

Julie, mum to Abby 05/02/04 & Joel 12/04/07

My MIL was a bit the same. She just kept nursing Bradley. Though if the baby is crying I would say " oh he must be tired I'll put him to bed "or "oh he must be hungry give him to me and Ill give him a bottle". Show her who is boss!

JZ mum to Bradley 17/08/03 and Heidi 25/02/06

i feel a bit silly replying as mi mil is great. but does have some funny ides. in your mils defence tho. it is not a good habit to get into what will happen when you cannot carry him so well as they do get bigger & heavy?. i dont think u would like this to carry on for yeears? maybe you need to try controlled crying? see the clinic nurse maybe she can refer you to a sleep centre to help out. the annoying thing mi mil does . which in context i know quite trivial. is that she always brings food when we have a function eg my sons bday. . hubby & i painstakiningly made a cake in the shape of thunderbird2, it looked great. but out popped her cake in case ours was a flop. thank god it wasnt everyone was impressed. as i said this so trivial but annoying as she askes can i bring some thing i say no. nothing just yourself & she come over with a esky full of food she has been spent days making

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

oh my god your in the exact position im in right now well kinda my MIL is constanty underminding everything i do and i havent even had my baby yet,sadly we have to live with both my MIL and FIL as my partner has taken on a new job and we need to save for the bond to rent a house of our own.And get this..... whenever my hubby is out at work or outside doing something they (both the mil and fil) will tell me that im not going to be a very good mum that im too lazy to get up at 7am let alone all hours of the morning so know what she did....... shes claimed the spare room next to the nursary right where me and my man were gonna move into so SHE can tend to the baby AHHHHHHHHHHHH im hyping myself up bigtime hey i know how u feel if she really starts to pi** you off tell her where to stick it! i would tell my inlaws but at the moment we cant risk being kicked out of here with no where to go so once things get back on track GOD HELP THEM!!! see ya xx cherie

cherie,mum to Jacob born oct 2004

I feel for you! I get along well with my MIL but she can be very interfering. I tend to bite my tongue a lot as I don't want to cause any friction. She is still mothering my partner who is 35. He plays up to it though as most men would.

He wants us to move in with his parents until our house is built in Feb (bub is due in March) to 'save money'. We are both working full time and earning good money so I think it's an excuse. I'm resisting as I know I will go insane in a week. She will be telling me what to eat, when to sleep, how much to work, where to have the baby ...

This time is for my partner and I to enjoy becoming parents for the first time and I don't want to take other people's feelings into account when we make decisions.

I expect her to interfere when the baby is born and I'm dreading asking her to back off. Do you think there is anything I can do now to lay the ground work so she knows how I feel?

alphabits.com.au scrapbooking - ask me about it ..

Hi everyone,
My MiL pi..es me off as well, but for entirely different reasons. She isn't interfering with my decisions about Ryan..... she just doesn't care what we do, as long as SHE is the centre of attention. My hubby and I used to live in Rotorua, which is a 2 1/2 hr drive from Auckland were both stes of parents live. We stayed there for a year, and saw her twice. She didn't even come down for xmas, as she didn't want to leave her DOG!!!!! My hubby and I couldn't visit them, as we were dairy farmers and had to milk. Now that we have moved back to Auckland, she's all happy again, as hubby dearest does everything that she wants, yet we get NOTHING!!!! She is doing a 5 week trip around Europe at the mo, and expects hubby to come round every 5 days to mow her lawns. We currently live with my folks (don't get me started!!), as we too are saving for a deposit on a house. My MiL's house is empty, however she told my SiL that under no circumstances are we allowed to stay there. Not even one night. I feel that my hubby is just the hired help in her eyes. She even told us that she isn't getting Ryan anything, even though she flies back in on his FIRST birthday!
When he was born, she complained that she didn't have any photos of him, yet sent us dirty emails if we emailed them to her, and then we got told to stop emailing the photos. After that, she complained again about not having any photos to show of Ryan, and that we hadn't sent any off to her mother (which everyone that I spoke to about this agreed that She should have done this). And then again complained that we didn't send any to this guy in America that I have never met, and my hubby hasn't seen for 5 years. But.......it's OUR fault!!!

As you can probably tell, I have real issues with my MiL as well. My FiL is fantastic!!!! THey're like chalk and cheese!!
Anyway, we will see what happens when they come back from their trip (forgot to mention that she told us not to bring Ryan around a couple of weeks before they left, as he had a cold and she didn't want to catch it before she left, as she has worked too hard through her life and has earned a trip like this......................funny, she hasn't worked a day in her life for the past 29 years!!!!!!

Anyway, dae-dae and co,
I don't think we can get away from interfering MiLs, and ones that play huge mind games with us all.
But, as I always say.......I married my Husband, not my MiL, so I don't see why I have to please her.

Gosh that felt good!!!!! LOL
Good luck everybody with those evil, evil women!!!!!!
Just think, we will be them one day!!!! LOL

Rebecca, NZ, Boy born 30/10/03

hi everyone...

i am so glad that i started this post as now i know i am not the only (again) that is going through a rough time with in laws.

Well now that i have read yours i feel that my mil is not that bad really. She does care for me and offers to do things for me generally but all of a sudden after dae is 6months she feels she knows beta than me now. I must still respect her as i have been brought up traditionally which i don't mind but i wished she respected me too.

I moved out of my sisters that day and it is so much better as i can do things my way and we get our own room. Today i went there and dae was tired and all of a sudden out it comes "oh my grandson, you must be upset what is wrong, you crying, here grandma will carry you" oh whatever...i sarcastically replied in front of my awesome FIL he's upset cos i don't look after him properly right... and she ignored it and continued...blah blah blah...i muttered "he's not upset, he's tired, now im the one that is upset" and walked off. Again she ignored it. Its just those little sly things they say that annoy me.

Well i called my hubby and he is coming over to nz sooner so he can tell his mum off and to leave me to mother my son the way i wanna. Im so glad he understands and doesn't take his mums side and i can't wait for him to get here. wink , tongue

Oh and daewon actually had an ear and chest infection that was why he was crying lots but now he is on antibiotics and getting better but is getting use to being rocked to sleep now (not by me) and is getting hard to put down to slep by himslef.

Im so glad that we all took the time to express our anger here i believe it is the best place to do so. smile we all need to let it out or else we will explode!!!! LOL

Sue & Daewon 23.03.2004

im glad that everything is going ok for you. there are always going to be people that are going to annoy you. it must be such a pain that he is now used to being rocked to sleep. grr nasty people!!!!!!!!!!!!!

natasha jayde - 1-1-05 ttc #2 end ong this year

That is good that your husband is going over early.
I wouldn’t go around and see MIL until he got there. I never spend time with the inlaws without my husband. Their his family not mine. I would make up some excuse or just say yes I’ll come over and then say you got held up. I wouldn’t let her get to me and make me angry enough to say snide remarks. Then you just stoop to their level.
I believe if you don’t enjoy someone’s company then don’t be around them. Even if it is family you should feel obligated to see them so they can treat you badly.
When it comes to my kids daily activities like sleeping and feeding my husband and I are the only ones that do these things. No one rocks my babies ever (besides me if I want to). My babies never go to anyone else when they are crying.
It is hard at the when you have your 1st because you have to establish what is and isn’t allowed. If you don’t then they will do anything they want.
He is your child and therefore your rules. Don’t feel like you can’t take control.
If my MIL took my baby and made remarks like that to hurt my feelings and make me feel like a bad mother then I would walk over to her and take the baby off her. She will learn not to make those remarks then. Your MIL should lean that you make the decisions whether they are right or wrong, we all have to learn how to be mothers and its ok to make mistakes.

mum of 3

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