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Custody of my unborn child Lock Rss

Hi All
I'm new to this site as i have only recently found out about it. I have been reading a lot of the other forums on here and I decided i would share my story and ask for advice on my extreamly stressful situation.
Currently i am 27wks preg with my first child. The father of my baby is a complete loser and I left him a good 3 months ago. I had only been together with him for 2 months when I found out i was preg, and he & his mother kept urging me to get an abortion as he was not ready to be a father at such a young age. ( he is younger than i am). Naturally, I did not listen to them and began to prepare myself mentally to become a single parent. There is no way he would be fit enough to play any role in my childs life anyway as while we were living together, I was the one who was supporting him financially, he wouldn't go out and get a job, plus he has a past involving drugs, although he's now clean, which causes him to this day still to have anger issues.
Anyway, since i have left him he has been calling me and begging me to take him back as he claims to have had a change of heart on being a father. I refuse to take him back, which has now caused my current problem.
He recently phoned me & threatened me that if i don't take him back, once the baby is born he will take it from me as his family "know" people who can influence the legal system and I can kiss my child goodbye. Now I'm intelligent enough to realise that these are all just threats as he is not getting his way, however, I am somewhat alarmed by what he is saying as I am not up to scratch on parenting legalities and since i really don't know him or his family all that well, I want to take precausions in case he is going to cause serious problems for me. Has anyone else been through a similar situation who could offer me advice or does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do?
I have to also add that I met this "loser" while i was going through a painful seperation with my husband at the time and now that my husband is somewhat in the picture again as he's helping me sort my life out, the baby's father is even more threatened.
I know, this sounds like an episode of the bold and the beautiful. I screwed up my life royaly.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

Ellie, NSW

Hi Ellie,

Don't be so hard on yourself! You're in a very difficult situation and it sounds like you're trying to make the best of it and get yourself ready to be a mum to your baby - give yourself some credit!

My friend's ex got it in his head to pursue custody proceedings for their new son a few months ago. Her situation sounds similar to yours - she broke up with the guy while she was pregnant, and he had an unsavoury past, no job - plus he'd actually been physically threatening with her. She tried to maintain a civil friendship with him, and since her son was born she has very generously taken him to visit his father reasonably regularly. They ended up going to court for a custody hearing, but it was really just a formality to grant my friend full parenting rights - in fact, the guy forgot to turn up on the day! My friend was told that given her ex's history, the fact they weren't together when the baby was born, and the fact he'd had nothing to do with the baby, that he had no chance of being granted any rights, and that turned out to be true.

Child custody cases usually favour the mother at the best of times - when you add things like drugs and general bad behaviour into the father's story, they really have no chance at all. It doesn't matter who he or his family "knows" - the law is the law! I realise I'm in NZ, but it can't be that different over there! No judge is going to separate a mother and baby unless they really have to.

It sounds like your ex might be just testing you and trying to scare you into either taking him back, or agreeing to give him access to the baby. If you feel comfortable, maybe once the baby is born you could think about allowing him to visit and meet his child, but only if you're completely confident that he'll behave appropriately. You could explain to him that if he really wants to be a father, he'll have to start out slowly and show his commitment with visits and time, on your terms. If he genuinely wants to be part of the baby's life, he should follow whatever plan for visits you are comfortable with. But you'll have to think very carefully about how involved you want him to be, before you agree to anything. If you don't want him anywhere near your baby - that's fine! You have to follow your instincts.

You should probably seek advice from a lawyer, just to set your mind at ease and get up to speed with what you need to know. I know in NZ we have free community law centres, I'm sure the other mums will be able to tell you of similar places in Aus.

Good luck, and remember that you are this baby's mother, and your ex has a snowball's chance in hell of taking that away from you. I think you'll feel better once you talk to a lawyer. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and all the best with baby's arrival - and welcome to Hugg!es land! smile

This new forum is strange ...

hi ellie first of all let me congratulate you on the pregnancy!!!! and welcome to [email protected]@ies smile

as far as the legalities are concerned on custody of your child, im no expert but i cant see any judge granting the father custody, it doesnt matter who he 'knows'. expecially because of his past, and the fact that i presume he doesnt have a job still... how does he plan to support this child?

unless you were a druggie, or living on the streets or in dire circumstances, judges rarely take children away from their maternal mothers. i think one of the reasons for this is the incredible bond you form while you are pregnant. unless there is a danger to the child, he has buckleys chance of getting full custody. he may even struggle to gain part custody. he would probably be awarded visiting rights, but most likely supervised visits because of his past.

rest assured that nobody is going to take your baby away. if you wanted to, im sure if you ring legal aid (their number is in the white pages. its different for each state.), they would be able to provide you with some information concerning your rights.

if he's the drop-kick you described, im sure you have nothing to worry about. enjoy your pregnancy.

i just had a look for you at the legal aid phone numbers.....
CHILD SUPPORT SERVICE 1800 451 784
UNDER 18'S HOTLINE 1800 101 810 (not sure how old you are tongue )
LAW ACCESS 1300 888 529

Tania. WA, Daniel - 26/01/06... smile


Hi Ellie

You should contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau for advice ASAP.

Good luck!

Kez

Kerry, WA, DD 09/00 & DS 11/05

hi ellie, oh my gosh its like reading a page from my diary, my circumstances EXACTLY, my eldest is now 4 but same situation basically. pls email me, [email protected] so we can chat privately, its exactly the situation i was in. i was only 18, he was 17 and a drug user, also him and his family threatening me and pushing for abortion, etc.
but dont bet yourself up about it, sounds like your puting your and your babys health and wellbeing first which is the best thing to do. pls email me if you wish. goodluck with it all. : ) chin up.

IStole3ofHeavensAngels, 2 boys, 1 girl

honey frist of all any text messages he sends you hold onto,every single ome of them

this can be used in court to show trhat he has threatened you and is an unfit father


there is no way he can take a child from its mother
especially if you are bobby feeeding
we are all here to help
anything you need let mr know


xxxxx

p.s i know this may sound silly but if you have a voice recoreder i would hold it to the phone evry time you get a call,if its him u can record every threat he makes

xxxxx

Lillie....1 year old!!!

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