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New mum who doesn't have mum of her own Lock Rss

Dear Kylie,

I really do hope you come back and read this post. You certainly hit a few heart strings with me. Firstly I too have lost both my mum and dad, and while my in-laws are wonderful people noone can ever replace your parents.

I feel very sad for your loss, and can relate to you in so many ways. I feel sad that my mum and dad will never hold my daughter in their arms and even sadder now because I am 23 weeks pregnant with my son.

When I was in labour and it was pretty hard going for me by the 13th hour, i just cried and inside all I could think was 'I want my mum'... I am sure she was with me in spirit... but its not the same.

Raising a child without your mum to turn to is hard and I find a lot of people don't understand my struggles with this. My mum has been dead for 15 years and so the immediate pain is less, but the long term pain is harder.

Also you said the song stairway to heaven was played at your mum's funeral... well believe it or not that is the song that was played at my mum's funeral too!! I can't even listen to the song it makes me feel sick.

In all my years of sadness I have learned on thing to be true... Us mum's without mum's will do all we can to make sure our children never feel the sadness in their hearts that we are feeling.

Just makes you appreciate all the more how precious being a mum is... and how precious life is.

I'd love to chat some more with you... like you said "it's not often you find people in a similar situation!"

Thankyou for sharing your feelings at this post... I am still incredibly overwhelmed at how much I am not alone in my feelings.

Michelle smile
Hi pkl,

It is lovely to hear from you and again I appreciate you and everyone else here who has shared their loss of their mum.

When I first posted this topic at Huggies (my first ever post nearly 6 months ago now) I never imagined there were so many of us going through motherhood without our mum's to turn to.

I am sorry for your loss and can't imagine how hard those weeks of having a new born and loosing your mum must have been. I hope that by coming to this post and sharing your feelings it in some small way has helped you.

I have found this post to be so wonderful to be able to reach out and share feelings we might otherwise have tried to hide... and to know without a doubt that all the things we are feeling are normal and real.

Time makes it easier, but it never really takes the pain away... I wish you all the best and hope you will be back here to chat some more.

Michelle smile
Hi girls

I've looked at this post for a long time but never been able to type my post until now.

I lost my mother to cancer 5 months into my pregnancy. It was my first child and a much anticipated first grandchild to my parents.

Losing your mum at any time is hard I know but at this time of my life I found it excruciating.

At the time I felt like i had to get on with things for the sake of my unborn baby but more and more now since bub was born I find myself breaking down. It's as if I've only just started mourning.

I remember the day I told my mum she was going to be a grandmother. She was in hospital (where she virtually lived for the last few months). Her eyes just lit up. She was so excited. But she knew then she wouldn't make it.

My last outing with mum was shopping for baby clothes. We went to Target and I remember that when we went through the checkouts mums nose started bleeding and I nearly bit a woman's head off who was in another aisle as she was just staring at mum like she was a freak. Here she was a 50 year old woman who was just so frail and weak and all she wanted to do was buy some baby clothes before she died.

She died the following week.

People always say to me "Oh but she's with you". And I just think "yeah nice try if only she really was".

I feel so ripped off. She got so close only to have it ripped away. I miss her so much and so wish she was here.

I know she'd be proud of us both and I treasure that.

I'm crying now so I must go and get myself together. Thanx for letting me share my story.
Hi guys,
You've all probably finished with this site by now but I also do not have a mum. She died when I was three, so I barely have memories of her and my Dad has only recently just included her name into his recollections of our past. He never talked about her as I was growing up. I have no brothers or sisters and my Dad was an only child. Small family.
My Dad quit his job when my mum died and raised me completely by himself. He has done an amazing job. And now I have a 5 mth old daughter called Tully, I realise how hard it must of been for him.
He lives a couple of hours away now, but he still does his best to try and be helpful.
Luckily I have aslo had my Nan (mum's mum) around, although she is in her early seventies now.
I have a fantastic husband, although his family is far from helpful.
Bringing a little person into this world is so challenging and confusing and I am sure it would be helpful to have a mother.
I also have a few friends(with and without children) but they are so busy with their lives.
It has been good to read your responses. I like the idea of diary and photo thing. I cringe at the thought of leaving my daughter behind and leaving no memories, like my mother.
Hi Karen,

We are far from finished with this post and it was lovely of you to share your story with us all. I am sorry that you never got to know your mum at all... it must have been hard for your dad to talk about her. But it sounds as though he did the best he could for you.

Now you have a precious daughter and you can value how hard it was not only for your dad, but for you too.

By the way, I love the name Tully and I think you will be a fantastic mum because you appreciate what its like to not have a mum of your own.

I wish you all the best,

Michelle grin
Hi girls.

I posted on the last page so you mightn't have read it.

Just wondering if there is anyone else out there who experienced a loss during their pregnancy and how they coped. And also how did they cope once they had the baby.

I'm finding it really hard no bubs is here not having mum.

Hi Cohens mum,

I am glad you finally got a chance to post here. It is very sad that you lost your mum 5 months into your pregnancy. My mum died from cancer too, when I was 14 years old, so she never got close to the idea of having a grandchild.

I remember being 14 years old and going to visit my mum in the hospital every day for the last 3 or 4 months of her life... she just faded away before my eyes.

I know that my circumstances are different to yours, but I do understand how hard it is to be a mum without a mum to talk to, and to lean on. Not a day goes by that I don't wish my mum could be here to see her 16 month old grandaughter or to share in the anticipation of her grandson on the way. I am 24 weeks pregnant and feel so sad that I cannot share this with her... again.

I think you were lucky to have been able to share a tiny bit of your baby with her, even if it was just buying a few baby clothes... I bet it made her feel so proud, and it probably broke her heart to know she wasn't going to be here for you.

I hate it when people say my mum is with me too... it is just their way of saying something to make you feel better, but nothing can take away that empty place or that ripped off feeling you have when you want to share the special times with your mum and she's not there.

I am sure that all of our mum's would be proud of the women we have become and are closely watching over our babies as they grow...

There are no words I can offer to take your pain away... I can only tell you that you are not alone in your feelings and just like all of us mum's here at this post, I am sure you are doing a wonderful job.

Take care...

Michelle smile


hi guys
thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post, it means alot.
this week has been really hard. theres been so much tension with my partners parents and i cant stand fighting. and once something starts bothering me, everything that has built up surfaces! then i feel like crqap until it all blows over. these days it seems that noone wants to take the time to talk about things and sort them out properly.
all i can think about is how my mum and dad arent here to see their first grand child and how he is never going to know them, and how if they were alive(even one of them) i would still be living at home with all of my family, instead of both my sisters living elsewhere, or tim and i would be able to live together without having to worry bout my brother ryan(ryan lives with me but unfortunatly tim cant move in because they dont like each other and i made a promise to my dad before he died that i would take care of him, therefore ryan comes first at the moment and he doesnt like having tim at home 24/7)

the thing that reminds me all the time is that every time i look at lachie, i see my dad. and now he has just started smiling and its my mums smile...its really beautiful yet sad at the same time

gotta go, tim wants his computer back!

thanks for listening again. hope to hear from yous all soon
kylie xxx

Hi Kylie,

Great to hear back from you...

I am sorry to hear you are not having a good time at the moment. What you really need to do right now is focus all your energy on that precious baby of yours and enjoy these early moments with him. The time goes by so fast and you don't want to look back and see that you spent all your time stressing about other people instaed of enjoying your beautiful baby.

Maybe you need to tell the people around you to be a little more considerate of your feelings with a new baby. It sounds as though you are in a tough position right now, but try not to let it get you down. You have the most wonderful little baby that needs you and loves you unconditionally right now and although you are sad you have to do everything you can to give this baby a happy environment to grow in.

I understand what you mean about that bitter-sweet feeling when your baby's smile reminds you of your mum, my daughter had a look when she was newborn that reminded me of my mum... noone else could see it, but it was there.

Take care of yourself and that precious baby boy. I look forward to hearing from you again some time.

Michelle grin

Hi Cohans mum,

I just shed a few tears for you. You have every right to feel ripped off, because you have been, but life holds no guarentees, unfortunately.

If you are struggling, please see your GP. My sister was diagnosed with PND, which they believe started from depession from just after my mum died. I am not saying you have PND, but it is well worth keeping an eye on considering all you have been thru. The emotions you have felt lately would be so extreme.

Hope to see you back hear again, we are hear for you, for support, help or just to listen anytime,

Tepe

DD5, DS3, DS lost to SIDS at 6mths & DD6m

Hi Karen,

Finished with this site, what, never, not while Michelle and i are around! wink

Sorry to hear that you lost your mum too, so young and not many memories, Why is life so cruel?? It is a shame your dad doesn't talk much about your mum, do you know much about her?

Your Dad sounds like a wonderful caring man, and i am glad you have your Nan around,

Hope to see you back here, even just to say hello,

Tepe

DD5, DS3, DS lost to SIDS at 6mths & DD6m

Hi AGAIN,

I just wanted to get this out, and i know you guys will listen and understand.

Mothers day is the 9th of May again this year! This is the anniversary of my mums death, and unfortunately it was mothers day the year she died too. I am not looking forward to another miserable mothers day when i should be celebrating my two beautiful children and what i have achieved there.

When can i finally be HAPPY on mothers day???

How does everyone elso cope with mothers day???

Tepe

DD5, DS3, DS lost to SIDS at 6mths & DD6m

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