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Having one child - is there anything wrong with that? Rss

Hi there! We had our precious little Oliver nearly 3 months ago now and he is just a wonderful baby and joy to our lives. For a whole host of reasons, my husband and I have recently decided that we only want to have one child and we both feel good about that decision. However, I am obviously worried about telling our families and other friends, as there seems to be such a push on having at least 2 children these days. I know they will say how unfair it is on Oliver, how spoiled he will end up etc. I guess I would just like some of your opinions and advice on this matter - perhaps if you were an only child yourself, how you found that to be. Would really appreciate it!

ACT, 1st baby

Hey Mum-to-Oliver!!

We only have one bub at the moment, but are planning on having another so I'm not exactly experienced in what you are seeking, however I just wanted to say that I think it's completely up to you and your husband, and I think it's lovely that you want to explain to your family and friends the reasons behind your decision to have one child.

Please don't ever feel the pressure to have more than one child - I think it's completely up to each individual couple, and their circumstances as to how many kids they have. I think you should just sit down with your family, and explain exactly what you have in your post - that you have a whole lot of reasons, and you can explain them to them if you like, otherwise they don't need to know - they just need to know you and DH are happy with Oliver, and your family is now complete.

I don't know if that helped, but I think you need to do what is right for you guys - you shouldn't have to explain to everyone else why you have decided to have one child, but if you want to then I say go for it!!

Good luck with everything!! And enjoy your beautiful little man, he will bring you soooo much pleasure.
All the best
x
[Edited on 08/06/2007]

.x. Just Me & My Princess .x.

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I can understand how you might be worried telling your family etc because obviously a lot of people have different ideas. But at the end of the day it is yours and your DH's decision to make and people should respect that.

I don't think you have to go into details with them if you don't want to because at the end of the day it is none of their business.

I know a lot of people who have grown up without a sibling, some were very spoilt whereas others weren't. It will all depend on how you bring your DS up I believe.

Sorry I am not much help as I wasn't an only child because I had a ratbag of a younger brother!!lol smile]

Good luck!

hi!

i only have one bub at the moment - we will probably have another but that decision hasn't been made to be honest. i dont think having one child is an issue - i have a few friends that are only children and they seem down to earth and if you didn't know their situation you'd never go 'oh wow, only child!'

i think so long as you let bub get out and mix with other kids whether its just a trip to the park or something more formal like kindy or gym or whatever then they aren't missing out. the only thing they are going to miss is sibling rivalry!

i'm with aristola though - i wouldn't make an announcement. my view is that this is up to you and your partner and no one else needs to put forward their points of view. if you guys are happy then don't worry about family - they will always find something wrong with whatever decision you make!
hi, i am having baby no 6 but i am a firm believer that families are all sizes, and only children do not have to be lonely childre, i thought the trend was going for the 1 or 2 kids these days...
I don't see any reason for your son to turn out spoilt, yes he may have things that he doesn't have to share with siblings, but i am sure he will still be toaught to respect what he has and if you feel that he has to much, it is easiy to remove some of those things for a while and bring those toys back later on, so he doesn't get bored, keep them circulating over the months IYKWIM? I do know of only children, that love it, i have also noticed that in my daughters class, that there is a girl who is an only child , that gets very upset if she is not been given undivided attention when she wants to be heard.. whereas, my daughter has to wait in line , take a number and is used to talking and isn't concerned so much about that at school, I don't think this is an only chiold problem either i think its personality and the parents of course have heaps of time to listen.. I think if yiu are happy with what you have, that's terrific, I mean after all, we all want the same things in the end for our kids, to be polite respectful and be brought up to be able to go out in the world and be self sufficient, and good caring people, among other things... It wouldn't matter if you decide to have 1 child, ear peirce , circumsice, go onm a holiday with a newborn, feed him solids a month befroe recommended, EVERYBODY will let you know what they think, it doesn't end, my eldest is 11 and am 25 pregnant, so you can imagine what i have to listen to.... Follow thru with what you want, and maybe just divert the question of "so when are you having the next one" to , oh we havent decided yet, just enjoying our son to much at teh moment to think of anything else, then he will get to about 6 or 7 and people will automatically say "well it's to late now, if you were going to give him a sibling, you should have done it before now"lol, you will not win, so do waht you want as a family, and remember it is OK to have 1 child..
hi, i am having baby no 6 but i am a firm believer that families are all sizes, and only children do not have to be lonely childre, i thought the trend was going for the 1 or 2 kids these days...
I don't see any reason for your son to turn out spoilt, yes he may have things that he doesn't have to share with siblings, but i am sure he will still be toaught to respect what he has and if you feel that he has to much, it is easiy to remove some of those things for a while and bring those toys back later on, so he doesn't get bored, keep them circulating over the months IYKWIM? I do know of only children, that love it, i have also noticed that in my daughters class, that there is a girl who is an only child , that gets very upset if she is not been given undivided attention when she wants to be heard.. whereas, my daughter has to wait in line , take a number and is used to talking and isn't concerned so much about that at school, I don't think this is an only chiold problem either i think its personality and the parents of course have heaps of time to listen.. I think if yiu are happy with what you have, that's terrific, I mean after all, we all want the same things in the end for our kids, to be polite respectful and be brought up to be able to go out in the world and be self sufficient, and good caring people, among other things... It wouldn't matter if you decide to have 1 child, ear peirce , circumsice, go onm a holiday with a newborn, feed him solids a month befroe recommended, EVERYBODY will let you know what they think, it doesn't end, my eldest is 11 and am 25 pregnant, so you can imagine what i have to listen to.... Follow thru with what you want, and maybe just divert the question of "so when are you having the next one" to , oh we havent decided yet, just enjoying our son to much at teh moment to think of anything else, then he will get to about 6 or 7 and people will automatically say "well it's to late now, if you were going to give him a sibling, you should have done it before now"lol, you will not win, so do waht you want as a family, and remember it is OK to have 1 child..
Thank you all you wonderful ladies - really appreciate that advice! I think we'll probably just not say anything at all and just divert the topic as 'alwaysawake' has suggested! Thank you again to you all.

ACT, 1st baby

IMO the decision to have only one child is totally up to you and you partner. You shouldn't have to justify your decision to anyone. I mean there's nothing to say that you might change your minds a few years down the track, or you may not. I agree don't make any announcements I figure you've got at least until Olivers 6 months old before you get the dreaded questions from anyone and everyone as to when and if you're going to have more. I've got 2 kids and my DD has just turned one and I've been getting the questions for months if she's going to be our last (and yes she is). So I guess its safe to say no matter how many you have the questions will always be thrown at you, lol. Also I think a only child will be spoilt only if the parents do the spoiling, so if you don't cater to his every want he'll be fine. I have a couple of friends with only 1 child, 1 gives her little boy everything he wants and spend ridiculous amounts on things for him (like $1600 for a trampoline) and he's ended up a spoilt little turd, and my other friends child only gets treats on special occasions and shes almost the perfect child (I say almost because no child is perfect).So really its how you bring them up. Good Luck!
Yes, it is OK. I feel the same. Over the past year I have swung between : definately no, maybe, possibly, back to no again. But I have learnt not to tell anyone. I just say. "We'll see." The decision is ours and our extended family's input means very little to us now (we love them, but its our life). All the best - you are not alone!
I only want one child but my partner wants two. If we DO have 2 children there will be a fair few years between them i.e 5+ years. Although I love children I am not one for a big family but mainly my choice is for financial reasons. Yes, an only child can be "spoilt" but its up to the parents to teach their children the value of life, money etc so they can appreciate everything in life, not just expect it to be handed to them on a silver platter. I know of families who have 4 children and they are all VERY spoilt, more so than a family of 1 child I know and it comes down to the parents. This day and age its becoming more common to have a very small family. Remember your living your lives for you not for anyone else. If you only want one child good for you! that is your choice. I'd definitely just bypass the subject or if anyone asks when are you having more just say "maybe one day".....

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