Huggies Forum

  1. home
  2. Baby Forum
  3. General Baby Topics
  4. General Discussion
  5. Adopted... should I tell my child?

Adopted... should I tell my child? Rss

I would love to hear peoples thoughts regarding me being adopted.
I have always known I was adopted and until I had a baby, it was really only me who would be really affected by this. All my friends know, my husband knows, so it's not like it's a secret or anything but I don't know how I should let my DD know.
My parents told me when I was just a tiny baby and kept telling me so that it wasn't a shock for me. I have always known and it has never been a problem for me. I just don't know if I should do the same thing for my DD and tell her that I'm adopted or bring it up one day when she's old enough to understand. I don't even know what I would say to her. It's probably easier to explain when it's actually the child who is adopted not the parent.
I know I would have been devastated had I found out when I was 13 for example that I was adopted, so would my DD react in the same way?
My Mum seems to think that it's not that important and do I really need to tell her. So now I don't know what to do.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Any one in a similar situation?
What would you do?

Hi, I am not in your situation but I have very good friends (sisters) who's mum was adopted and they've known thier whole lives. they said it doesnt change the way they feel about her, coz she is still their mum, adopted or not smile and their mum went on to have 6 kids! and they all know... not sure when they were told or anything like that but they've said that for as long as they can remember they've known.
hi,

my situation is a little different - my bio father died when i was a young baby so mum remarried and her new hubby adopted me (for legal reasons - you know how it is) anyway you got me thinking. i don't think i will tell my DD - i have almost nothing to do with my bio fathers family (thats a long story) and she calls my 'dad' Pa. i think if you tell them too young you risk confusing them as to who their family is or what they call your parents - i know that i sometimes felt a little lost as a kid even though my dad made me totally a part of the family - never treated any different to my brother and sister (they are a lot younger than me!). if your bio-parents aren't on the scene then i'd probably wait.

thats just my thoughts
Hi
My dad was adopted and he has had a hell of a life because of it.
I remember him telling me when I was about 11 or 12 I think and it was a huge shock to me - and he couldn't tell me all the things surrounding his adoption while i was that young because I wouldn't have understood. I think it would have been easier to digest had it been something I knew right through being a kid. I'm not sure whether he had told me while I was younger - if he had I don't remember it... but it has always been a big cause of depression for him (not the actual fact he was adopted but the problems surrounding it) which may be why he couldn't tell me when i was younger because maybe he was scared of my questions.
Post deleted by administrator.
I think you should definantly tell her.
It will be good for her to know, she may not quite understand completely, just yet.
but I think it is good if you just mention it to her.
Adoption should stop being looked at as negative, and something to be ashamed of.
My cousin is adopted and she has always coped flack for it..Which I really dont understand.
Adoption is the most generous thing to do for a child.
I think your daughter is so lucky to have a mum, who can teach and show her about this topic.
My Husband and I would love to adopt a child one day!!!
I think what your own parents did by telling you when you were young, was a really good move. I'm sure your more grounded now, then what you would have been, like you said had they told you at 13.

I wasnt adopted but my bio mum died when i was 6 months old, and my dad remarried when i was barely 3 and i was told before that the person my dad was marrying was my mum and i always knew her as that. There were very few photos of me as a baby and they were only of me or my grandparets, which i really wasnt sus on until i got a bit older, also contact was lost with my bio mothers family so i had no reason to doubt that the woman i called mum was my mother

When i was 11 my parents dropped the bombshell and told me that the person i knew as mum, wasnt really my mum, you can imagine how devistated i was and it still hurts me so much the way that they went about it, the problem was only made worse by the fact that after i was told about it i wasnt allowed to talk about it, and when i did it was a huge deal, i also want allowed to contact my mothers family.

I have since had contact with the rest of my family and seen where my mothers ashes are intured. I have taken my kids there, but i havent taked DS since he was about 2, i have said little things but i dont really go on about it. To compound the situation my parents have since divorsed and i dont talk to my bio dad (he is marrying my bio mums ex-sister-in-law too to make it all worse, yes that is my aunty)

It is a big complicated situation that in time i will talk to my son about, sooner rather than later, i dont want it to be a big horrible shock, i havent kept it all a secret, but at the same time i havent talked about it much because he has just been too little to understand, it also doesnt help that the cemetary where my mum is, is in Adelaide, and it is much further in than i would usually travel so i get there maybe once a year myself, so the opportunities are not always there.

if it is not a secret then tell you bub, it is a part of your life, so it is a part of their's, it isnt going to change anything, and should one day you ever get in touch with your bio parents the whole situation wont be as confusing, Im sure there would be books about it out there somewhere that would help. I would say it will take a couple of tries to do it just dont put it off because it will be a harder and harder story to tell

I hope ive helped, its not the easiest of situations i know, but good luck with your babe
I firstly want to thank you all for your thoughts on this very emotional topic. Just reading a few of these posts has brought a tear to my eye.
I feel so very lucky to have been adopted and been loved so much by my parents. My bio mother tried to make contact with me two years ago now, but I'm not comfortable with meeting her or having contact with her just yet. (I do hope that when I feel comfortable with this it won't be too late)
I guess the thing is that I don't want my bio mum to come into my life and think she has rights to me and my family just because she gave birth to me. I am thankful that she made the decision to adopt me out and not do anything else, but I have two parents who I love dearly and no one could replace them ever.
I guess I would like my DD to know that she is special as some people aren't able to have their 'own' children and that it doesn't matter if someone is a blood relative or not they are still family and that's the most important thing that matters.
Hmmmm still have to get it right in my head.

My mum was adopted and I have known for as long as I can remember, I dont think its anything bad at all or anything my mum should be ashamed of. She has not found her family or made any effort to either, she is happy with her family and I think being 47 years old, she thinks that they could of tried to find her too...I dunno, its tough not being in that situation.
I say once your child is old enough to understand tell them, it is a part of who you are...
Maybe your mum is just scared that your child will look at her differently once she knows but if you explain to both of them that she is always going to be the grandmother no matter what then well you can only wait and see....
Good luck

Hey Worry, smile

I can only speak from the experience of my fathers family, who adopted 6 children to make a family of 11 in the 60s (yes, different ideas back then).

They were not told and grew up with their "natural" sublings. Unfortunately, a teacher revealed to all of them in school one day that they were adopted. This shock contributed to wild teenage years for 5 of the adopted kids, who were very spun out about events. it has impacted upon their lives very significantly.

I don't want to upset you, but if your child was going to hear it, mightn't it be better coming from you earlier on..?
I can only wish you all the best with this.
Sorry i havent read any of the other replys (i am in a rush) so sorry if i say something thats already been said.
Anyway, I probably would if it was me (at the right time obviously) incase of some medical reason. EG she may need to know your biological medical history for some reason, if you know what I mean.
Hope it works out
xoxo

my girl finally lets me sleeps at night, yaay

I think that if everyone else knows then she deserves to know.
If you let her know from early one that you were adopted then explain it as you go (when she asks) then she'll be fine with it.
Family secrets have the potential to harbour resentment.
I'm sure there'd be a book out ther on this type of thing. Perhaps you could read it together then explain your story to her.

and I'm sure she won't see you mum any different, she'll probably love her even more for doing something so special.

member since 2004

Sign in to follow this topic