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  5. Advice : my step father, is refered ot as "Pa" & it makes me feel sick!!!!!

Advice : my step father, is refered ot as "Pa" & it makes me feel sick!!!!! Lock Rss

Amy, maybe if you write down what you want to say to your mum before she gets here it might help. (You dont have to show her what you've written..or you can..if its easier) That way you know exactly what you want to say to her, and sometimes writing down things gets your thoughts in order.
Good luck.
Hi Amy
Sorry, I haven't read all of the replies, but I think I'm agreeing with the general gist of them. You need to sort two different issues with your mum. First, the name they call your step father. I'm not sure how old they are, but I would explain that your dad is "Pa" to them, and they will be calling your SF something different. It could be gramps, pops, poppy - whatever you decide.
Second, leaving your girls alone with him. You are obviously very uneasy about them being left alone, and it sounds like for good reason. YOu need to tell your mum that your kids are not to be left alone with him, and if she can't ensure that, then they won't be staying at her place without you there. It is a very, very hard thing to do. My dad used to have a drinking problem, and when I told mum and him that I would not be leaving my daughter with them if he was going to keep drinking (he was never violent, just let me make that clear). That was when I was about 3 moths pregnant. He had stopped for six months by the time she was born smile]. He and DD had the absolute best relationship for the 3 1/2 years she was around before he passed away, and still talks about "Pappa" all the time. Sorry, a little off topic. I guess I was just showing you how taking that stand actually worked for me.
Good luck.

You may need to bring up the past with your Mum & 'him' and lay it down as to why you don't want 'him' called Pa. Sometimes being 'nice' about it won't work.

goodluck, I'm thinking of you. (my kids don't call my MIL 'Nanna' either - we continue to say Nanna ***, ... but they say - and truly this is without any influence from me - 'she's not our Nanna, we've got Nanna who's your mum'. (they're 2 & 4 - it's mainly come from the 4yr old - the 2 yr old has seen her all of 4 times in his life - the 4 yr old about 2 extra than that).
Hi girls,

Thanks again for the continued advice and the Private Messages.

My girls are still young so the name thing is just becoming a real issue now as Oldest is starting to call him "Pa" they are 26 months & 9 months old.

My issue with the name is i don't want him to have a title at all! I just want him to be known by his name. I know i'm being silly and just making it hard for my girls (who will never know what happened) and uncomfortable for my mum. He is her husband and i should respect that.

I always thought when "i grew up" left home the past pain would get easier, however since having my girls it seems to be worse. Especially my resentment to my mother, as a mum now i would do anything for my girls.

I can not understand how my mum let this happen & how she can act now like nothing happened. She is such a beautiful person in every other way possible.

Will let you all know how my mums holiday goes & how much courage i get & what i say & hopefuuly resolve.

Hi Amy
I haven't read all the posts, but wanted to respond.

I know you don't want him to have a title at all, but it doesn't sound like you're going to get away with that!

Next time he, or somebody else, refers to him as Pa I say quite clearly "We'll have to come up with a different name for you. Dad is "Pa", and always will be, and it will confuse the girls. How about......?"

It might cause some hassles, but not as many as refusing al together, and it's not good for you to have to listen to him being called something you don't want him to be. Putting it back on being confusing for the girls would take the pressure off you a little. My mum is Gran, and my dad, who died before my kids were born, is referred to as Grandpa, will the IL's are Grandma and Grandfa.

Goodluck, and if they don't respect your wishes, i'd limit contact - the kids are your main concern, not what others think or want!

Dette, DS 06.03, DS 10.04, DD 03.06 & Due Sept 07!

Thanks Again Girls.

In Laws are Grandma & Grandpa

My mum is Granny - she wanted it!!!!

My dad & his Wife are Nan & Pa.

What about POO oh i mean POP!!!!

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