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In-Law Problems Lock Rss

I have a problem with my father-in-law which makes me feel very guilty about the way I feel.

Before we were pregnant and during the pregnancy he hardly ever had anything to do with us nor did he visit us.

Since the birth of our son he always wants to come over. When he does he always holds our son even when we're trying to get him into a sleeping routine and even if our son is asleep he will go into our room and wake him up. Even if my baby is crying for a feed he will not give him to me. While he holds our son he does not support his head and he holds him in positions that a young baby should not be held.

My husband and I have told him off for what he does but he does not listen and his only reply is "I've had two kids of my own I know what I'm doing". He has even told me that it's about time my son drank from a bottle so he can look after him by himself - he has never changed a nappy in his life and nor me or my husband would trust him with our son.

He really frustrates me and now everytime he rings to come over I try to make up excuses for him not to come over - but he'll just come on over anyway - and then he never goes home. It's getting to the point where I want to tell my husband that I want to cut ties with his father.

I feel really bad about the way I feel of my father-in-law but I can't help it, I mean my son only has one grandmother (on my side) and one grandfather (on my husband's side) and he shouldn't be deprived of a grandfather.

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Luckiest Mum In The World

Not at all, SAJ!

I'm not quite in the same boat as you but almost!
My FIL recently split up with his 4th wife, not his choice, however! My hubbys mum died when he was just 2 and his sis was 4.
FIL used to live on the other side of Australia, so we had seen him about 6 times in the 6 years we have been a couple. Since having our girl we have seen him 4 times. He moved over to WA 5 months ago so 3 of those times have been since then. He has visited us and just sat down and read books for the whole visit. He has been shopping with us and been pushing the pram, gone off to look at something and left Gem behind!
I guess I just get frustrated at his self wallowing and him sitting around all day, as I am not used to having him around. He says he will be visiting every 2 or so months - which is nowhere near as bad as you, but I still get this annoying bubble of despair when I know he is coming!

So, some ideas for you, as your FIL obviously lives in the same town.
When he rings up - tell him you will be going out shortly. Pack a bag, have it ready by the front door and when he rocks up (keep your eye out for him!) quickly grab bub and bag and start heading ou the door. If he has a grumble - tell him stif do-dos! You said you were going out!

Make up a sign for your door - Mother and Child sleeping, Please respect thier wishes and DO NOT DISTURB!!! (can always write - including ALL relatives, esp FIL's!!)

Unfortunately you may need to be extra firm with him. Answer the door, but don't let him in. If he has rung you before hand and you have told him not to come, tell him again at the door. If he still grumbles, then send him off to the hardware store for a washer or something!

However, don't cut ties with him. As you say, he is your bubs only Gfather, who is probably a lonely man and dotes on his grandson, no matter how much he tends to be a PITA (pain in the ***) and your boy wont like to find out that he doesnt havee a gfather any more because of these reasons in years to come.
Your hubby may need to have a sit down with him and go thru the things that the both of you are going thru, and explain that, yes, he has had 2 kids, but this one is yours and if he wants to handle his gson, then he wil do it the parents way or no way.

Sorry if I have dribbled on here! Good Luck and I hope the old fella pulls his head in for you soon smile

DD1 July 2004 DD2 August 2007 DS September 2009

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