Huggies Forum

Baby or Yourself? Lock Rss

its not a nice topic to discuss but its one that i guess many women are faced with. i just hope we are never one of them.
i second that, you wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy

Before I had Declan I would have said to save him for sure, there would have never been a second thought to that.

Now that I have Declan and my two DSS's to care for, I think it is an entirely different story. My boys NEED me, they RELY on me. I couldn't bear the thought of them having to grow up with out my care and love and support.

I don't think us who have chosen to save ourselves are selfish. Far from it. I think we are chosing for us to be around so that our children don't have to suffer, however, in turn this means that we would suffer greatly at the loss of our unborn child. I think that chosing to suffer so that someone else doesn't have to is the LEAST selfish choice I could ever make.

Very interesting thread!

Mummy to one big little man!!

Before I had DD, I would have saved the baby, but now that I have her to look after, I would also save myself.

Anyone who would save theirself is selfish!

Don't be so quick to judge us mummy2be. I understand why you feel that way now, coz I used to think the same. But looking at my beautiful DD on my lap now, it just wouldn't be fair for her to have to grow up without me.

And I don't think that's a selfish choice - because I wouldn't be thinking about myself, I would be thinking about my DD who needs me (and DH too).
well i am not yet an official mum because my first is still baking smile

But i do consider myself a mother as i am already nurturing and caring for my bubby.

now that this has been brought up, i am in a pickle. and i feel selfish just because i cant decide!
Everyone is saying if it was your first bub they would put the bub first, but then that baby would be growing up without a mum and a heart broken father, as would a child who is already a part of the family, iykwim.

I am undecided and if that makes me selfish, so be it. i just cant imagine leaving my DF and my other family members behind . Please Dont judge me!!! i think its a horrible situation for anyone to be in but i just cant bear the thought either way.
I think that's understandable emma69, it's an awful choice. And, like you said, even it is your first it would still be growing up without a mummy.
Emma69 dont stress. I thought about this over and over again when I was pg and I just prayed. What will happen will happen 9/10 there isn't a choice.

Mum to 5 amazing gifts from God. 3 girls 2 boys

Id choose myself. Even tho my partner sometimes has a giggle hed do anything to get rid of me ( in a joking sence )
but he too said if it came down to choosing hed choose me over the baby..
I not only have myself to think about but my son, my partner, my family.
I no how hard it was to see my mum and her family when her brother died last year i dont think i could choose my baby and let me family greive so bad over me and leave them all with a new born...
But thats just my opinion.
Good topic tho my partner and i always tlak about if one of us died what we would do or if both of us did what would happen to our kids etc.

no one is going to judge you, and yes even if its your first then it will still be without a mum but it would be easier for a newborn baby to adjust to having no mother than a 3 year old who has had a mother there every day of his life.


my DH just said he would hope i would choose myself.
[Edited on 12/08/2007]

I just could not imagine my DH coming home from hospital with a new baby but without a wife. Yes he would have family and friends, but that is completely different to the person you share your whole life with.
Loosing a child would be heart breaking, but atleast DH and I could get through it together.
I think (as awful as it sounds) DH would resent the baby, and that would not be good for anyone.

yeah i think if my DF had to make the choice and i was unconscious or whatever he would choose me.
Hes not here for me to ask, but i think that is what he would do because we've had these kinds of discussions before.

Because he works away and drives for 12-14 hours a day, we have had the talk about what would happen if he should be in an accident or something horrible like that and although it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, i think it needs to be discussed
Yeah my DH is the same. Towards the end of my preg, he said if anything happened and I wasn't able to make the choice myself (ie. unconscious), he would choose me.

He said he would not be able to cope with a newborn by himself, especially whilst grieving for his wife. He'd rather the two of us be there to support each to grieve for a lost baby.
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