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New Country, New Lifesytle ! What Now ? Lock Rss

Totally freaked out and need some good solid advise. I am a 26yr old and my husband and I have been living in the UK for the last 3 years. We made the dicision to move to NZ after we found out that we were expecting as my home (SA) is not suitable to raise families.
I am 2 weeks away from D Day and I am so despessed as I have had no social life - made very few friends as a result and in a country that is different without my family to turn to. My worst fear is that I loose my identity and become known as someone's mommy and not an individual.

Any others in the same boat ... I would love to hear from you.


Hi, I'm in Auckland (Papakura) & know its not easy to be far from your family at such an important time in your life. All my family live in the south island so I don't see them often- once a year.
My social life revolves around my coffee groupand the few friends we made before baby arrived.. The other women in my antenatal class got together when our babies were 4-5 months old and have become great friends since. Get phone number from the other mums in the maternity home you go to, it could lead to some new friendships.
As a mother you don't loose your identity, it just changes, you still have all the same qualitys you've always had, now you get to share them with a new person. The first 8 or so weeks you will feel like a walking zombie & milking machine, just keep in mind that you are blessed to have your baby and the newborn stage won't last forever. Hope the last 2 weeks goes well & God bless
Hi Tanya,

What part of Auckland are you in? My husband and i spent 7 years in the UK and was only home for a few months before I fell pregnant. It was earlier than we had planned and so threw all our plans upside down.
We now have a 14 week baby boy and love him to bits but just after he wad born my husband got a job in Auckland so we moved up from Cambridge. This meant leaving behind all the couples we meet through antenatal classes and having no friends.
We are currently staying with my sister on the North Shore until we find a place to buy of our own. If you are in the area we could meet up for coffee and a chat.
Good luck for the birth and try to meet other mothers in the home.

Shelley , NZ, Joshua 19/10/03

Hi Shelley,

Sorry it's taken to long to relpy. Just had the baby and man , when everyone told me to get some sleep beforehand - they were not kidding ! I live in central Auckland (remuera) and love to meet up with you sometime. My husband and I lived in London and Liverpool for 3 years and since I am south african and he is a kiwi we decided it was best to reside in NZ as we felt the UK was not an option. Honestly its been lonely since I am at home all the time and our life style has changed so much as most of our friends are still very much "unsettled" and childless.

I would love to know more about you ,are you English or Kiwi? How are you coping with the new baby and is it your first?

Take care and hope to hear from you soon.


Hi Beanie,

I have been meaning to reply for ages but in the intern had the baby and although we nearly lost her at birth it's been great having her around
(except at night time). You mentioned that your family were from the South Island, where abouts? Are currently on maternity leave?

How are you coping being away from your family and friends at this stage? It's aweful being so far away in time of need - those moments when you think you cant take it and would love your mother to come around and help consol! Thats what I mis most - the support and encouragement family seem to give.

I would love tips on how much to feed New babies and sleeping tips for day and night as my little one never sleeps longer then 3 hrs at night and hardly an hour during the day.

Keep in touch and take care


Hi Tanya, you must be doing OK to be able to get to the computer so soon - I'm guessing your baby must be a month old now? Nights for the first 12 weeks can be really exhausting as she probably won't sleep through the night till then (earlier if your lucky).
My daughter( now 18 months old) first slept through the night - 8 hrs- when she was 11 weeks old. It was bliss to get so much sleep all at once.

If you want to get her into a routine then read 'The New Contented little baby book' by Gina Ford. My sister sent it to me when she was living in London, they have it in'Boarders' bookshop on Queen st.
Its where I learned about how many feeds they need a day and sleep patterns etc. My big tip on sleeps during the day is keep the room as dark as you can. Babies can also get overtired so try to put her down before she gets too cranky or she may not want to sleep at all.

Has your Plunket nurse visited much? Your entitled to up to 10 visits, you can ask her for advice.
At this age 6-8 feeds is the average, taking about 25 - 35 each side if your breast feeding, or about 70ml for each pound of weight = 510 ml for a 7 lb baby. this makes it 85mls six times a day.

My family are in Gore - south of the south island. My friend moved back to Christchurch last week and I'm missing her already. I also have a German friend in my coffee group, and she misses the family support too, especially when you need a babysitter! We offer to look after each others kids which works out well as they know each other already from being at coffee group.

I am a caregiver for Kidstart childcare - its run by Barnardos. I look after children at home, I stopped working for 17 months to spend time with my daughter.
As I've dribbled on enough I'll go and get some washing done. Cheers beanie

Hi Tanya,

Your probably all sorted and settled now but I thought I'd just send you a quick note! Congrats on your little bundle by the way!!

I can totally relate to how your feeling coming from SA (although I have been here a few years now!) All my family is still over there and having a baby without the support of your close family and friends is not always that easy!!

I found I got soo emotional after my little girl was born and had a real pull to go back to SA!! But I just know it's not the best thing to do especially with a little one smile

Anyway just wanted to let you know that your not alone and everything you are feeling is perfectly normal!!

I hope all is going well and you are getting some sleep patterns going!!
If you ever need to chat just email me:
[email protected]

Take care and good luck smile
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